Lono for Senate

America, I have been inspired. My arch rival Roy suggested that I run for senator for Colorado, now that the wonderful Mr Nighthorse Campbell has stepped aside. My qualifications? None. Are you tired of politics as usual in Washington? Are you tired of back office shenanigans? Are you tired of sweetheart deals that screw the taxpayer? Are you tired of your congressman nailing interns on your dollar? I am sure am, America.

What Colorado needs is a true outsider. I assure you my friends, ‘slick’ is not the adjective people use to describe me. Charismatic, resourceful, ambitious… these are words not often bandied about in my autobiography! What Colorado needs is someone with a fresh perspective. Somebody who can stand up to the lobbyists. Better still, someone who can stand up to the constituents! You want someone who can stand up to big tobacco?  How about big Legal?  I am beholden to no one.  I owe nobody nothing.  I could help you, but I won’t.  I am not about favors, I am about public service.

I am that man, and I have a new campaign slogan that I crafted myself recently, and I would like to know what you think. It speaks to my fresh ‘outsider’ status.

Lono for Senate, he’s never helped anybody

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