So, I just got some tickets to see the Crue at Red Rocks. Tickets were $45 for face value, and $70 after all the fees. That is $70 each, by the way… not $70 for the pair. So, I look at my ticketstub and find it’s all variations of the legendary Ticketbastard ‘convenience charge’. This chaps my ass. I mean, I understand they need to charge fees and make money… but don’t call it a ‘convenience charge’, because there was nothing convenient about talking to a retarded 19 year old who makes me repeatedly spell ‘Motley Crue’ back to him. They sold five thousand tickets that day… you think they might have jotted down the name somewhere in the process.
$70 for Crue tickets, and $25 of that is fees? Do they realize that most Motley Crue fans never even graduated middle school? I submit that is not convenience, it is Felony Hessian Menacing. I know, you say that it isn’t a felony unless it is a thousand dollars, right? Wrong! When a hessian is involved, any amount of money equal to or greater than a pack of Marlboro’s will get your ass kicked. $25 may not mean much to you, but to a hessian… it is a car payment.
So then, what might make a convenience charge? I would like it if someone came to my door the first Saturday of each month at noon with a listing of all the upcoming concerts. I’d invite him in and we’d go over the roster and pick my seats right there. Then, my Ticketmaster Convenience Rep would take my info to debit my account a gentle $20 per month ongoing charge to subsidize my rock concert needs. Any money left in the pot would be used to throw a free concert (with free booze) for subscribers at the end of each summer. Now, that would be a convenience!