I bet sometimes you get mad at your parents. I bet when you were younger you thought you had the worst parents in history. I bet on more than one occasion you screamed at them “you are the worst parents in history!!!”. You did, didn’t you? Jerk!
You were wrong, your parents did great. Some of you may have children, and fear perhaps that you may be the worst parent in history. You are not. You are doing terrifically! You may think Michael Jackson is the worst parent in history. While being quite close, even he is not the worlds most horrible parent.
If I have done my job correctly, you are probably asking yourself ‘but who, who damnit?’. Joe Simpson, the father of hottie half wit Jessica Simpson. Why? Read this quote from him:
If you said ‘Eeewwwww’, then you are on target. Now, don’t you feel better about the job your parents did on you? I mean… yeah… ok – your dad is a dick. Looking at you, it is pretty clear he didn’t even bother trying to raise you. But hey; At least he didn’t have a press conference to announce how sweet your ta ta’s are.
* in the interest of journalist integrity… those are some sweet ta ta’s. Don’t worry about creepy dad, though. Turned out he is (reportedly) gay.