an open letter to Bruce Banner, from your tailor

Dear Mr Banner. Don’t get me wrong, I love your business. LOVE IT. Since we have taken you on as a client, we have been able to pay off the house and the boat. At the risk of shooting myself in the foot, I am concerned for you. When I got into the Tailor business, it was to help people. Just what is it you are doing to these clothes, Bruce?

Remember that sharp button up Polo you brought in with the chili stain? Last week, your wife brought me that same shift but there was nothing left but a hanky. There was nothing left of it, and there never is with your clothes. I just can’t keep taking money from you when I don’t see you adjusting your ways.

Your wife told me you have ‘rage issues’ with your clothes. Have you tried velcro, or spandex? I am not sure what you do for a living, Mr Banner, but frankly it looks like you have rough sex with someone the size of Lou Ferrigno. Probably not a good idea.

While we have never yet met, I hope to some day. I asked your wonderful wife who your last tailor was and she joked that you ripped his arms off accidentally after a botched tuxedo job. That was a joke, eh Mr Banner?

Enclosed with this short letter is a pamphlet from Anger Anonymous. It isn’t my business what you do on your own time, but I am worried for your wardrode. Also, I am having an affair with your wife, who says you ‘hardly listen anymore’. Good luck with that, Bruce, as she is one hot piece of ass!

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