Another Guinness record

First, start here. It may seem funnier. Some dude with too many resources and not enough work went to 171 Starbucks in one day. Why, because apparently he doesn’t have 11 mid year evaluations due by the end of the week like I do. Yup, 171 Starbucks in one day. He has a website here.

So, why do I care? Well, firstly… I bought the URL http://www.170starbucks.com for several thousand dollars years ago, thinking I could cash in on something like this. I too am a coffee fiend. If I had a Starbucks drive-through on my way to work, I would order daily. So I ain’t down on dude for lovin’ Starbucks. I am down because this is probably gonna be another pointless and unbreakable Guinness Record.

Since I come to you not with problems, but with solutions… I got a better record for your stupid book. Because Burger King angered me years ago, when I was on road trips I would only stop and shit at Burger Kings. No business or ordering, just do my business and head on. I did that for years! Petty? You betcha… but is it a Guinness Record? Prolly not, because I didn’t cinch up the url www.ishitatburgerkingbecauseihaveissues.com. For the record, I no longer have beef with them, and eat there occasionally. What is sillier is that I don’t remember what it was about in the first place. Still, four or five years of a dude never shopping but only shitting at a Burger King must be worth some kind of record, right?

I have decided it is time for a Guinness Board of Relevance. When someone submits a record by walking a marathon while flipping pancakes the whole time (what? You call bullshit on that? Click here!) I would say NO. Here is how you get into my record book: How many lives saved? How many attitudes have you changed. How much litter can you pick up? How much tolerance do you teach? Are you voting every time and without fail? How much blood have you donated?

That’s right, imagine if these people put their incredible will and energy to doing good. It would be amazing, and I wouldn’t even have to recycle anymore… which is a pain in my ass. Now, about that record for me

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