The Transformation is Complete

You know I love cnn.com. You know I cite CNN almost recklessly as a source of news to use as a jumping point for my rants. Today will be my last CNN citation for a while. You may remember earlier this year I coined a term ‘Newstainment®’. I used that term to criticize CNN for pulling all news off the evening network and handing over the Headline News channel to Nancy Grace. I don’t care if CNN wants to branch out into entertainment. Heck, do like ESPN and open 10 channels. Just don’t fuck with the one called ‘Headline News’. I am still pissed about this.

You can have a million CNN’s. How about CNN pretty girls read you the news? CNN Miami? CNN Las Vegas? CNN Sports stars in trouble… See? However, if you have a channel called ‘Headline News’ it should probably contain either headlines or news. Seriously. It shouldn’t really have anything that isn’t either headlines, or news. ‘Frenemies’ is neither headlines, nor news.

It got worse today. On the main page of the big headline stories was this op-ed by an actress about how mean dogfighting really is. Let’s listen in to the very pretty actress:

Dogs are beaten, abused and goaded into aggression and then set upon each other in duels to the death. Poor fighters are an embarrassment to their owners and are killed by brutal means.

Really? No, really? I thought dogfighting was simply a metaphor for belly rubs for puppies. Man, I sure am learning a lot. I totally want all my news to come from pretty actresses instead of journalists. Let’s read on, maybe dog fighting ends in happiness and hugs and rainbows.

Because violence breeds violence, dogfighting endangers communities wherever it occurs. Aside from hurting animals, it nurtures a violent mind-set that makes it easier for people to brutalize other people. The results of a recent Chicago Police Department study bear this out: Of those arrested for animal crimes, including dogfighting, 65 percent had past arrests for battery.

What’s that you say? People who engage in dogfigthing are psychotic douche bags with a propensity for violence? Really? Stop the presses! Man, I sure had this whole thing wrong. Thanks, CNN. Thanks for having my news by edited and presented by pushy entertainers. Man, I sure wish I could read that compelling piece on the Headline banner about ‘Frenemies’, but something tells me that Nancy Grace will have two hours on it tonight. Tomorrow, Steve Martin is gonna do a piece on ‘cat juggling’.

* quite likely, you are thinking something like ‘oh, a pretty girl can’t be smart’. ‘You are such a mysogynist, Lono’. That would be wrong. I am all for pretty girls telling me what to do. However, she doesn’t work for CNN. I watch and read a lot of CNN, and I have not heard of her. So, to bring her in to a marquee spot to say ‘dogfighting is mean, y’all’… it insults me as a reader. I am going to ABC news.

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