Ok, y’all, it’s time to talk about the Senator Craig sex scandal. In brief, this creepy old senator dude from Idaho (or Iowa… one of those states) got busted soliciting gay bathroom sex at the airport. Awesome! Good leadership, Senator. Apparently this isn’t his first foray into trouble. He was implicated back in the early 80’s in s Congressional sex and cocaine scandal. Whatever. What dude wants to do on his time in his house is his business. Problem here is this: dude is married. see, you thought gay sex was frowned upon by the GOP… wait until your wife finds out.
I gotta imagine that is what landed him strollin’ for colon in the men’s room. See, my wife never lets me have crazy gay sex with strangers in my house, either.
It gets better, so stay with me. When the senator got arrested, the officer said it was simply a citation. The officer told the senator the media would not be called, so he should just plead guilty to make this go away. So, he did. This was last year.
A few weeks ago, his local newspaper found this out and released the story. The senator’s response was two fold; he held a press conference to announce:
1. he wasn’t gay
2. he was reconsidering his guilty plea
I love it when people have press conferences announcing how gay they aren’t. That sure worked for Ted Haggard and Mike Piazza. By the way, he didn’t get arrested for being gay. Being gay isn’t illegal, even for Republicans. THIS, America, is how you have a press conference. Make sure you stay to the end, it’s only 3 minutes long.
So, dude says he was innocent and should not have plead guilty. Then, his entire party (the one’s who hates gays) turned their back on him and told him to resign. On Saturday, he did.
See, we have all been accused of things we didn’t do. I am still angry that 20 years ago when I worked at Jack in the Box they accused me of taking $60 from the register. I never did that. Never. Sure, I stole food… but never touched the cash. My manager asked me to “just confess” and I wouldn’t be fired. I refused to confess. If I were accused to seeking gay sex, I mean crazy weird illegal airport gay sex… and I was innocent > I would fight the shit out of that.
Then, the GOP had an epiphany. Absolutely no Idahoan with half a brain would vote Republican to replace this guy. So, they begged him to stay… after he resigned. So, now the senator has decided to reconsider his resignation. Really, the only thing he should have reconsidered was trying to get laid in the airport bathroom with an undercover cop. George Michael was not able for comment on this piece, but is positively giggling somewhere.
** totally awesome update > Thursday 5:18 pm.
Apparently reading this blog, Senator Craig’s folks released this statement. “he was going to retire, anyway.” That is so perfectly childish. it’s like if you get fired from a job (which he kinda did) and you reply to the boss on the way out “I was gonna quit anyway!”… and that somehow that redeems your shame and self worth.