me funny

I was having a conversation by e mail with my good buddy Jaime.  We were discussing a terrible and unlistenable CD.  I won’t even mention it, because it was so bad.  However, it started me thinking…  and here is some of the conversation we had… which will be ripped off by SNL or a Jud Apatow movie within weeks.  Enjoy:

The premise is:  That CD was so bad…

  • If it were a Sacha Baron Cohen character, it would be Bruno
  • If it were a mafia family member, it would be Fredo
  • If it were a Windows release, it would be Millenium
  • If it were a billionaire politician, it would be Steve Forbes
  • If that album were a car, it would have been the Edsel.
  •  If it were a game show host, it would have been Ray Combs.
  •  If it were a Huey Lewis album, it would have been anything except for Sports…but it would still be a Huey Lewis album. 
  •  If it were a shoe, it would have been a pair of Zips.
  •  If it were a workout video, it would have been a Sweat’n to the Oldie’s video. 
  •  If it were a Phoenix Suns basketball player, it would have been Richard Dumas. 
  •  If it were a lead singer in Van Halen, it would have been Gary Cherone.
  •  If it were a Police Academy movie, it would have been ALL the Police Academy movies!!
  •  If that solo album were an NFL player, it would be Cryan Leaf.
  •   If it were a career arch… it would be Michael Jackson’s career arc.
  •   If it were a Hollywood celeb, it would be Juliette Lewis. 
  •   If it were a movie, it would be Sgt Peppers.
  • If it were a video format, it would be beta
  • if it was on the McDonald’s menu, it would be the McRib
  • If it were a career counselor, it’s only client would be Shelly Long
  • if it were a reality show, it would be Martha Stewart’s Apprentice
  • if it pro sports franchise, it would be the Arizona Cardinals
  • if it were a cameo on a TV show, it would somehow involve Ted McGinley
  • If it were a network, it would be the WB
  • if it were a celeb dad, it would be Michael Lohan
  • if it was a fat substitute, it would be Olestra
  • if that CD was an NFL coach, it would be Art Shell last year coaching the Raiders
  • if it were an Arizona Governon, it would be Evan Mecham… and then Fife Symington
  • .if it were a website, it would be this one

 you get the idea.  Feel free to add some in comments.


2 thoughts on “me funny

  1. Wow!! I love all the rage, anger, disdain, and hurt this early in the morning. I got a few more…

    If it were a diet product, it would be whatever Kirstie Ally’s on.
    If it were a Police song, it would be Mother.
    If it were a Woodstock Concert, it would be the one where they burned the place down.
    If it were a cast member on the Brady Bunch, it would be Oliver.
    If it were a birth control product, it would be whatever K-Fed and Brittany were using.
    If it were a Jackson Brown album, it would be ALL the Jackson Brown album’s.
    If it were a spin-off tee-vee show, it would be Joey.
    If it were a Cubs fan, it would be Steve Bartman.
    If it were a Johnny Depp movie, it WOULDN’T be a Johnny Depp movie
    If it were an Olsen twin, it would be Ashley Olsen. (I actually don’t know what that means…but it just sounds cruel)

    Your pal,


  2. If it was a Captain and Tenille song, it would be Muskrat Love…

    If it were a 70’s children’s toy, it would be clackers…

    If it were a cute commercial kid, it would be Mason Reese…

    If it were an undergarment, it would be Depends…

    If it was a mime, it would be Yarnell…

    If it was a tie, it would be a bolo…

    If it was an alcoholic beverage, it would be a Zima…

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