Friday Fives


1. Are there any babies in your family or circle of friends?

are you asking if my friends have babies?  Not really babies, anymore.  Or, are you calling me a baby?  Because if you are, I think that is childish and I would like an apology.

2. Are you one of those people who use a high-pitched, sing-song voice when talking to babies and small children?

since I don’t care about children, I think you are really asking me about my dogs.  Yes, I do often talk to my dogs in that stupid little voice.

3. If you were standing in line next to a *very* pregnant stranger at the bank or grocery store, what would you say to her?

Hello.  It is quite clear to me that you put out.  Also, you appear to be here alone.   So, is it true about that whole pregnant chicks are supe horny myth?

4. Similarly, what do you say or do near babies in public?

hello.  It is quite clear to me that your mother puts out.  She appears to be here alone.  Are you ready for 30 years of daddy issues?

5. What was your last blood pressure reading?

I don’t remember, I was so terribly angry at the time.  I was throwing stuff at the nurse, who was crying.  I eventually blacked out from rage.   Other than that, I am pretty sure I am healthy.


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