in the news

sucker.jpg

Oh man, people are such rubes. Take a look at this story:

A man was sentenced to more than four years in prison for bilking friends and family out of more than $800,000 by convincing them that his wife was a government agent who could arrange to have their medical problems diagnosed by satellite imaging.

oh wait, it gets better. The story is more than just about the satellite diagnosing your ills. Oh no, this couple said they could magically fix you too:

The Finley’s convinced their victims that, if any medical problems were found, secret agents would administer medicine to them as they slept in exchange for payment.

Yeah. People will believe anything you tell them. The Finley’s are thieves, and should be put in jail for their crimes. Also, anyone who gave them money should be jailed for stupidity. Why, because the Finleys are using outdated software and Russian satellites.

The Finleys couldn’t even cure a cold, anymore. Their operation is a cheap commie substitute for the services I offer. How do I know? I sold it to them. Also, it is common knowledge in the satdiag industry that $800,000 won’t get you shit. Maybe remove a mole, at best. You want results, you gotta pay… and you gotta pay me.

In exchange for payment to me, I will do more than fix your woes. I will make you funny, and good looking. I can’t explain the technology. Just wire me the cash and wait for the awesomeness.

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