This is the best time of the year. It is snowing out. The Presidential Primaries are afoot, and most importantly… it is playoff season for the NFL. The NFL means a lot to me. Gritty determination. People hitting each other as hard as physics and gravity will allow, and being rewarded for it. It is a brutal sport, and almost exclusively played in cold and miserable places.
For example, the Broncos have an indoor playing facility with climate control. However, they practice outside always, so the players are steeled against the cold. Not this guy.
Seattle kicker Josh Brown is playing Green Bay this weekend. You know, the Frozen Tundra. Home of the fabled ‘Ice Bowl’ where the players continued the game in subzero weather. You know how kickers get made fun of? Remember the Sandler song about the Lonesome Kicker, who is mercilessly taunted. They are the drummers of the athetic world. Now we know why.
Seattle’s Strawberry Shortcake here is rigging up pants heaters for the game. What the hell is a pants heater? To clarify, that is not what I was arrested in Utah for. Here, let Sally explain it himself
After that, Brown pointed out, he plans to microwave some mayonnaise and slather himself in it back at the hotel. After that? A bubble bath and a nappie nap. Chris Brown, you are a pansy, and a disgrace to the human race. It is going to be 28 degrees in Green Bay. For those people, that is like a sauna. They will be out in shirts and shorts.
All is not lost. This will clearly be some kind of jury-rigged electrical device. There is a 20% chance of snow. How awesome would it be if he electrocuted his pampered nads on national tv when the rig shorts out? Yeah, pretty sweet indeed.