Cloning the Hoff

You may have heard that cloning is back in the news again. Two reasons: some folks said they have cloned a human, and the FDA declared cloned meat safe for human consumption. So, cloning stories are all the rage. That, factored with what a media whore I am… lands us here. You know the discussions and concerns about cloning. Too many to mention, and too weird to think about. Or is it?

Even as a regular joe like you, I need help with stuff. I wish I had a personal assistant. Not to do my stuff, but to do the menial stuff that I can’t get to. I love cooking, and cook every night. I could really use a personal assistant to clean up, though. I could use one to pick up the frozen dog crap in the back yard. I definitely need a laundry assistant. I don’t want a slave or a servant, that would be immoral… and pathetic. These are all things I could do myself.

I just need someone to do the stuff I have to do that I don’t want to do: shovel the driveway, get up on time, bath myself… etc.

Couple that with the most searched and sought male on the internet… David Hasselhoff. How great would it be if I had my own personal ‘Hoff’. Hoff, go wash the truck! Hoff, vacuum the house, and do some laundry while I am gone! Hoff, go walk the dogs while I am at work! Hoff, fetch me a jar of peanut butter and bring it to me in those sexy panther undies I bought you for Christmas. You know, just regular joe stuff around the house.

How sweet would that be? Well, pretty f’n sweet. Michael Keaton taught us that in ‘Multiplicity’, and we learned not to clone a clone. I would never, that would be greedy. Just one hoff is all I need, I swear. Ok, one hoff, one Johnny Depp, and one of Kucinich’ wife. That’s all I need, and this lamp.

So, the choice is yours America. You can stand up and fight the creation of a brown shirted Hitler nation, which is the unfortunate moral reality posed here. Or… you can hang back a few years and get your own personal Hoff. It seriously isn’t that far off. I was at the stock show this weekend and there was a vendor there who will clone your prize bull for $25,000 each. Seriously. This cloning stuff isn’t far away silly future talk, it is in production now.

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One thought on “Cloning the Hoff

  1. I truly don’t get the Hoff fascination. On the other hand, I’ve had a crush on Michael Keaton since Mr. Mom, I thought I was the only one to see Multiplicity. The third clone was pretty funny. I caught “The Jerk” reference as well. I’d take any clone as long as it does windows, laundry, unloads the dishwasher, cleans bathrooms and mops floors.

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