Friday Fives


1. How and when did you learn to swim?

I don’t even remember. Being from Phoenix, it happens just about after birth. Not only is it a critical skill when living in the desert, it is all the more important when you consider every other house had a swimming pool. Back then, there weren’t safety code laws about fences around pools. Too many kids would wander in the pools and drown.  Or… worse.  Some just get brain damage like my older brother Johnny.  He was so severely retarded in the accident that he doesn’t even remember it.  His therapist tells us not to bring it up, it is too traumatic.  Sadly, to this day, he feels he is a functioning member of society, and that he has a wife and kids.  Oh, someone should tell him.  We hired those nice people to tolerate him, and his ‘house’ is actually our mothers’ basement.  If you see him, call him ‘mad dog’.  He thinks it was his nickname in college.  It’s just sad, you know?

More importantly, back to me:  I was probably somewhere between 3 and 5 I would guess when I learned. I don’t have a single memory of not being able to swim.

2. How and when did you learn to drive?

15. The deal was, and may still be, you can get a learner’s permit when you are 15 years and seven months old. I had a wonderful combination of older brothers and parents who helped teach me. None of them had stick shifts at the time, so it was mostly painless. wait wait, Scotty had pick up truck that we did some work on in the Garcia’s parking lot. Yeah, learning stick sucked ass.  Scotty was a saint for allowing me to practice on his truck.  I am sure Johnny would have loaned me his car, were he allowed to drive.  I mean, after the accident and all… let’s just say he had a moped in high school.

3. How and when did you learn to tie your shoelaces?

I vaguely remember the success of learning it. I don’t remember learning it, just the success of learning it as I remember marching into the family room to show everyone.

4. How and when did you learn to cook?

college, and I have gotten quite good if you ask me.
5. How and when did you learn to type?

I took a typing class in middle school. I think it was the only ‘A’ I got. Lemme divulge about how old I am. In the typing class we add all manuals and one electric typewriter. No computers, just typewriters. The deal was, since we only had one electric, one day a month each student got to practice on the electrical. Though I didn’t appreciate it at the time, it was a valuable skill. I can type like a mofo, baby! I can type as fast as I can think, and that is pretty cool.

Wanna know some typing nerd knowledge? Do you know the origin of our current keyboard layout, known as the ‘qwerty’? It is designed to be the absolute most inefficient placement of letters possible. True. In the old days, if you typed really fast the keys would jam into each other and stick. So, the letter placement was designed to slow down the typer as much as possible, to allow time for the keys to strike and retract. There have been subsequent movement to restore efficiency in the keyboards, but since we have this one memorized they have never taken hold. Hence the problem with going metric.

* bonus > we taught Johnny to type.  We gave him a site, bless his little pointed head.  Visit him here.

thanks, as always, to Roy for the questions.


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