I am sorry. That came out wrong, and I apologize. How have you been? What’s news? Good work landing Jessica Simpson, she is a hottie, broseph. I heard about your broken finger. You are probably getting a lot of flowers and get well cards right now. This isn’t one of them.
You have totally fucked my whole fantasy football season. You might be out for four weeks? Seriously? Dude, nut up and get out there. I can’t afford to replace you this late in the season. We were a team, you and I. If I can’t get points off you for four weeks… my season is lost. That means I am out $300 from my kids college fund.
Yeah, I took out a $300 side bet on my team against Doaner. That money was from my kids college fund, and you can bet (get it?) the wife doesn’t know about that little transaction yet. I was going to surprise her when we won. Here is a Dallas headline for you: Tony Romo hates kids! That is the story going to press tomorrow in the Denver Post if they are brave enough to post my editorial.
Thanks for nothin’!
ps, please send an autographed pic of you and Jess.