Attention children of the United States. The holidays are here, and your family may be talking about ‘vacation’. Usually, this is swell. There is an exception you need to know about. Christmas is coming, and quite frankly your parents can not afford you. It isn’t that they don’t love you. They do, but you are expensive. Your parents are going to start talking about a family trip to Nebraska.
This is your first tip. Nobody goes to Nebraska on purpose. No one. I didn’t even know it was still a state. I thought it got demoted, like Pluto. Anyhow, Nebraska has this crazy ass new law that allows families to legally abandon their children there. Any age up to 18. Don’t think they won’t.
“It really concerns me that (people from) other states are possibly going to be leaving their children here,” said state Sen. Arnie Stuthman, who introduced the bill that was the basis for the safe-haven law.
Thus far, 17 children have been abandoned under the safe-haven law, including nine from a single family. A 14-year-old girl from Council Bluffs, Iowa, was left at a hospital across the Missouri River in Omaha late Tuesday.
I mean, it’s funny on the surface. Then, deeply troubling. Point being, do your chores, children of America! Your parents are going to abandon you. Jack, Matthew… I am looking in your direction. Last night, your father asked me for directions to Nebraska. That is not a good sign.
The number of children left will continue to climb, including the possibility of seeing children left by desperate parents pushed to the brink by the souring economy, said child advocate Kathy Bigsby Moore. She pointed to research that links economic stress and other risk factors for children.
Uh… yeah Kathy. That’s a big fat ‘duh’! How do I know all of this is true? Maybe this is just liberal elitist media hype, right? Wrong. I am writing from inside Nebraska as we speak. Still waiting for mom to get back from the store. It’s been 22 years.