You are going to die

Hey,

Guess what?  tabloid fodder and serial murderer Drew Peterson is getting married.  You say:  Drew Peterson… is that the dude who murdered his wife Laci with their unborn child.  No, that was Scott Peterson.  What I am saying is people who have the last name of Peterson are predispositioned to kill their wives… that’s all.

Drew Peterson’s legal troubles grew when the body of his third wife, Kathleen Savio, was exhumed and he was named a suspect in her 2004 death, which had initially been ruled an accident. Authorities now believe Savio’s mysterious bathtub drowning was a homicide.

Drew Peterson is the one who murdered two wives.  Well, for whatever reason he is running free.  Being as though he has killed his last two wives and is still running free… dude is a bit of a douchebag celebrity.  In fact, he gets letters from girls.  He dates these girls.  He fell in love with one of these girls, and they are getting married.  She is 23, and dude is 54.  Twice her age, just like he was twice the age of the last two wives.

According to Armstrong, Drew Peterson’s future bride was a former fan of his who first introduced herself to him through handwritten letters.

“I asked him if she was one of his fans,” said Armstrong, “and he said ‘yes.’ He’s definitely been getting a lot of fan mail.”

Let’s take a look at the article:

“Yes, Peterson is engaged,” said Glenn Selig, Drew Peterson’s publicist

Let’s you and I read that once again.  Again.  What’s wrong with that sentence.  Drew Peterson’s publicist.  Dude has a publicist?  What does an ex cop need a publicist for?

Didn’t I warn you about this?  I did, exactly one month ago.  It was meant to be satire, not prophecy.  Man, I am good at this.

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