Ok, I have never told this story… and for good reason. I have never cautioned you not to read my work. I am cautioning you right now not to read the following story. It is true, and it is rather horrible and a considerably tasteless.
The following is entirely, regrettably, and completely, true. This is the Majordomo’s story. When I first moved to Denver in 1997, I did not have a computer. However, I definitely wanted e mail so I could keep in touch with everyone from AZ. Plus, I knew I needed email to score a job… being a modern and educated dude that I was.
So, about a mile away, we had an internet café. Majordomo’s. It was, like, $10 a month for an e mail account through their servers. I was Lono@Majordomos.com
I was getting communication from my very good buddy Woody. Woody was the best man at my wedding, so I do not throw that around. Woody was tech savvy, and sent me the stuff that your college buddies sent you… namely… porn.
Normally, this is good. Yes, normally.
See, not having a computer at the time, I was not tech savvy. In addition, I was on their computers (majordomos) and their server. The e mail app was web based, a simple pop account. I know this now, I did not know this then.
So, Woody was being a good friend and sending me those things that guys send each other over the internet. When Woody sent me the first two jpegs on my account, I did not know how to open them. There was no indication that those jpegs were anything of consequence. I had actually figured that they were just pics of buddies drinking. I did not know, at the time, that buddies sent porn also.
So, I had to ask the nice (and attractive) lady at Majordomo’s how to open the jepg. She was very nice and helpful. She leaned over me and showed me where to click. Then, she clicked. So, the picture very quickly unfolded. The picture was two naked women, and ass close up. Great, right? No. Read on!
The photo was of one of these women shitting directly into the other woman’s mouth.
Yeah. So, I freaked out and was super embarrassed. I told her I had no idea what the content was. She felt worse, like she had caught me playing with myself. She backed off very quickly and explained it was my account and I could do whatever I wanted and it wasn’t her business and she was sorry. I was sorry, too. I don’t think I ever went back. Thanks, Woody! I still love you, and you are still my best man. However, warn a brother before you send the poo photos.