Oh no, not another puppy

I had a revelation today.  One so great, I had to share it with you.  Trust me, you can use this at parties this weekend and you will be a huge hit.

We (the Denver Broncos) are down a quarterback officially.  We expected this, as we have a new coach.  This coach has come in and cleaned house.  Everyone is out.  He is building a young new team in his image.  He is the next generation mastermind.  This will probably be great one day, but not so much now.

See, every Saturday I volunteer at the dog shelter. You should too. I see what people want, people want puppies. I completely understand that. They want to raise a dog on their own rules, with their own values. Do you see where I am going with this?

Nobody wants an old dog. Nobody wants someone else’s baggage. Nobody wants to hear “that isn’t how we used to do it back in Cleveland”.

So, I see why coach wants a puppy too. See, a puppy will be loyal by your side for life. He will protect you and defend you. He knows no other master.

Sounds great, right? Wrong. What you are getting isn’t a loyal well trained companion… yet. Nope, you got a puppy. Do you know what a puppy does? He chews up everything and shits wherever he stands. He won’t listen to you, and is maybe more vain than necessary.

Puppies, though adorable, are a monster pain in the ass. Jay Cutler was a puppy. Coach Shanny saw the potential and groomed him for more. Now that is a new landlord, and he wants his own puppy.

Great. Get ready for two years of chewed up undies and shit piles in the corner.


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