Do you remember a favorite Christmas present
A bicycle. I was nuts for bicycles. If you take my love for guitars and animals and smoosh them together… you would have the passion I had for bikes as a kid. The bike I am thinking of was the Takara. Not a particularly great bike, but enough for me to do wheelies and jumps. These are things I excelled at. Once, I witnessed a kidnapping when I was at the dirt lot we weren’t allowed to be at, so I never told anyone. Absolutely true story. The kid is probably fine, it was between two parents I think..
… a horrible Christmas present
No such thing. Anything given is with love and heart. How can that go wrong? Ok, wait. I will tell this story. When I was really young, I wanted to give presents to the whole family. Being, like, 6, I had no money. So, I found used batteries and pennies and wrapped them up in aluminum foil. Yes, this is wrapping paper to a six year old. My intentions were good. So, that counts… right?
… a Christmas disaster?
Well, there was an event that I thought was a Christmas ender… and it was all my fault. This is a good story, I am glad you asked. I have probably told it before, but it bears re-telling. We were visiting the fam in Phoenix, as we do every other Christmas. We had brought our dog Maury girl with us. She was an extremely good girl. Possibly the best dog in history. I mean, she was a lab… so you can see. So, we had more Christmas shopping to do on Christmas eve. The family room was covered in presents for the big party the next day. My mom asked if it was ok with leave Maury with all these presents. I think I was insulted. I explained Maury girl could, and would, do not harm.
You see where we are going with this, right?
So, we return from shopping a few hours later. You can’t see the family room from the front room where you walk it. It’s around the corner. When we walked in, all we could see was wrapping paper everywhere. Chewed and discarded wrapping paper. We can’t see the family room or the tree… just wrapping paper. My mother gave me a stare so cold, I can still feel it to this day. So, we proceeded into the family room and found something that actually gave us all a big laugh. Maury girl had indeed broken into presents, but only dog toys. All of us have dogs, so there were probably five or six presents for dogs under the tree. Chew toys and stuff. Somehow, Maury knew which were for dogs and helped herself to all of them. She never touched a human present. It was weird.
So, instead of me ruining Christmas, everybody praised Maury girl for being so smart. And, we still get some decent mileage out of the anecdote. I much prefer to hear that story at Thanksgiving than the one about me driving to LA without telling anyone and destroying my car while there.
A favorite Christmas memory
I do. But, it’s a little schmaltzy and personal. So, you can’t have it. It involves us all being together on Christmas eve, though.
Favorite Christmas music
Easy. Vince Guiraldi’s ‘A Charlie Brown Christmas’.
In closing, I want to say Merry Christmas, and happy holidays, and all that. I am blessed, as are you for having me. Have a great day with the fam, they won’t always be here.