Dear reader (and I mean that in its singularity),
I hope you aren’t a big fan of civil rights, because we are about to lose another one in 3,2,1…. Why? Some a-hole lit off fireworks or explosives on an airplane today. read here. This morning, it was reported as a passenger lighting fireworks on a plane in mid-air. Seems reasonable to me. Then, the story takes a twist. By this evening, the story was a terrorist trying to ignite explosives. Either way, we are screwed.
Remember when the twin towers were attacked by those two planes? Well, now we can’t bring knives onto the plane. It seems reasonable at first, unless you are a whittling auteur… as I am. Anyway, we assumed it was for the good and we accepted it. Big Mistake.
Why? Because of that asshole Richard Reid. Richard Reid put explosives in his shoes, and then tried to light them to explode the plane. Problem was, he did not anticipate his foot sweat… and he was unable to light them. So, now we have to take our shoes off every time we get on a plane.
Then… someone tried to mix a liquid bomb in a gatorade plastic bottle. It was a disaster, and nothing happened. We also learned that, had the bomb actually worked (which it didn’t) it would have not taken down the plane at all. Now, we can’t bring liquids onto airplanes. This is a monster pain in the ass, the whole 3 oz thing in a clear plastic bag. Yes, more of the man telling us what to do… and so the terrorists have won.
So, just as the FAA is seriously pondering removing the shoe and liquid laws, this happens. Some guy gets on a plane… on Christmas, mind… gets on a plane and lights off fireworks. You just know where this is going, right? Any day, those Federal bureaucrats and asshats will be banning fireworks anyday. There are a couple of things I care about in life, and they bring me joy. One is flying, and the other is cherry bombs. Yeah, I light fireworks on planes… a LOT. I should probably speak in the past tense. You know that it will be all the rage to ban explosives on planes. It’s typical bullshit, and the man is trying to keep me down.
What is next? I mean, no fireworks, no knives, no shoes, no liquid. What if some asshole invents an eyeglasses bomb? I am not taking my glasses off for anyone, I can’t see shit without them.
I am not just here to complain, though. Only a coward would do that. So, here is what you can do. Here is how we take the power back. Before Congress reconvenes after the holidays… I need you to do your duty. Get on a plane, and light some shit off. Otherwise, the cowards win.
Ok, turns out it was an underwear bomb. As you know, from the failed Gatorade bomb, we can’t bring liquids. From the failed shoe bomber, you have to take your shoes off.
Well, you can imagine this means we all have to remove our underwear each time we fly to have it scanned.
Two thoughts on this front. One > I am going to start doing this now. Two > I am going to keep a special pair of undies just for flying… and never wash them.