1. Have you ever “Sexted” or sent inappropriate text messages or voicemails?
Sexted? No. But the other one? Yes. Kind of a funny story. Roy and I were drunkenly harassing each other via text. Not an uncommon event, really. Anyhow, I fat fingered the recipient and accidentally told my friend Russ to “Go Fuck Himself”. Russ was the next recipient my phone had alphabetically chosen. Sorry about that Russ!
2. Who is the last person to have texted you?
my friend Sam, asking to borrow my ladder. Not just to borrow it, but she asked me to deliver it. This is more of the fine print they don’t tell you about when you buy a pick up truck.
3. Are you a corrupt politician?
You bet your sweet ass I am! To say correct barely brushes the level of trouble in my administration. Seriously, I am one horrible person. Yet, you will re-elect me. Allow me to expound. Last election, 78% of Americans said they dis-trust Congress. Yet, 86% of them get re-elected. Why? Because everyone thinks that everyone in Congress is a criminal douche bag, but not their guy. Stop voting for your guy, America. He is the same as all the others. To say Congress is corrupt and useless (and they are) and to still vote your guy in perpetuates this problem. Want change, America? Vote every single bastard out. Until that happens, YOU are the source of the problem.
I wrote about this years ago, in a silly piece declaring my own candidacy nationally. Click here for that. It still rings true, and I still post the same devotion to my wife. Well, it gets racier if you read the post, but the point is still salient.
4. Is the glass half empty or half full?
5. Tell me something I don’t know.
I am the chairman and chief officer of the North American Mylar Balloon Launching Association. Yup, N.A.M.B.L.A. you crackers! Don’t believe me? Google it, at work. In fact, I would strongly recommend you do a google image search. I wouldn’t bother with Bing, those guys are pussies!