If you could interview any person, who would it be?
Mark Gastineau, to ask him why he dropped out of football to support Bridgitte Nielson. That was, like, 6 husbands ago for her and she has rebounded fine. Mark? Still waiting for a call back on that nikey shoe offer from 1982.
Also curios as to how he feels about her boning Flavor Flave. Remember the AIDS rule of thumb? It was: when you have sex with someone, you are having sex with everyone they ever had sex with. Well, Mark. You just porked Flavor Flave.
Who is the greatest person in the world.
Do you have any recent brushes with greatness?
dave barry, who admired that I also kept a small emergency back up dog.
Do you pay attention to the celebrity gossip? Online or on television?
I wish I could tell you I was above that stuff, but I am not. I have TMZ on my phone, and occasionally read a National Enquirer in the tub. That shit is real, yo. They couldn’t publish it if it were not true… just like putting something on the internet.
See, these are good before I go to bed. Know what I NEVER watch? The evening news. It is depressing. Just people shooting each other. Totally fucked up world. I watch the morning news every day. It is light and fluffy. Just traffic and weather and that cupcake lady that every city has.
5. If you could be any celebrity who would you be? Why?
Me, but rich. To paraphrase the great Rev Jim Ignatowski… “that way, I wouldn’t have to buy new clothes.”