Sorry. So very sorry. An open letter to my brother Scotty.

I am sorry.  So Sorry.  So very very fucking sorry, Scotty.

I am sorry you can’t tell time

I am sorry you have NO idea how your pool works

I am sorry you have not taught your 1 year old about personal boundaries

I am sorry you lost your keys and had no spare, like an idiot.

I am sorry that you represent not just 50% of my siblings… but 100% of my successful siblings.  This does not bode well for any of us.

* this above is in response to this letter below from my big brother, Scotty.  This morning, he writes as follows (ed note:  this is a real and unedited conversation from my brother, Scotty.  This is all, sadly, true… and not satire.>

You should feel bad…

I would like a public apology on
My week…
trashed laptop (Evan dumped coffee on it)
lost computer charger bought new…and then bought a laptop the next day
working on the pool, cartridge exploded, hit me in the head and knocked me unconscious (fractured cheek bone, loose teeth, etc…)
got my car towed at the airport because lost the key (stuck at the airport for 6 hours… I was only home for 12)
missed a flight because my watch was set to the wrong time zone…
* update > Scotty’s response is below in comments.  As well as my reponse to his response.  Don’t expect much, America.  This is a guy who lost to a swimming pool filter.  Could that be the whitest injury ever?

7 thoughts on “Sorry. So very sorry. An open letter to my brother Scotty.

  1. I too am sorry…

    I am sorry we never told you about your real father
    I am sorry we led you to believe that you were a part of the family.
    I am sorry I posted that picture of you on the male bondage website
    I am sorry we all made contributions to your opponent when you ran for Sheriff
    I am sorry about the size of your penis (hence the size of your truck).
    I am sorry that mom calls you “the asshat” of the family.

    But mostly, I am sorry that you are sorry.

    There, I think we all feel a little better now, don’t we?

    • My biggest concern was how you know my log in and password to the male bondage site? I thought I had that locked down pretty solid. Even my wife doesn’t know about it. Well, until she read this… I guess.

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