Miracle Whip is tired of your shit

Growing up, the worst you could be was vanilla.  white.  mayonnaise.  white bread was the worst.  That meant you lacked any culture or edge.  It meant you lacked flavor, and your mom probably cut the crusts off your sandwiches.  You were Mr Rogers, you were mayonnaise (and you still are). Well, it took them a long time, but mayonnaise found out and it is PISSED.  Miracle Whip is tired of your shit.  Apparently, the ad wizards for Kraft decided it was time to make mayonnaise edgy.  They want to re-frame the discussion of that stuff.  What is that stuff, anyway?  Also, what is the difference between ‘salad dressing’ and ‘mayonnaise‘ and is Miracle Whip either?  Who cares.  Miracle Whip doesn’t.  Miracle Whip is out smoking reefer and banging your sister.  What you are going to about it, whitey?  You best recognize, motherfucker.  MW is in the hizzy. They have also changed their badging on the jars of sammich goo.  Now it is just ‘MW‘.  Sort of like the old Oldsmobile slogan ‘this isn’t your father’s Oldsmobile.’  See how that worked out for them?  It turns out that it was my father’s Olds, and they are out of business.  You gotta do more than have a great slogan. So, when you want to express something as plain, you’d best find some new adjectives, crackers!

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