Let’s just have another goddamn study about it


The Feds have decided to have another study.  They want to look at how to relieve congestion along the I-70.  See, we have been having this conversation for years.  Shit, I have been writing about this for years.  So, I can tell you what will happen.  They will suggest a few options.  They will suggest widening the freeway.  Everyone will be unanimous that it is a terrible idea, too expensive, and not an option.

So, they will suggest light rail as an option (this my favorite.  It would be all weather, and I think have the smallest ecological footprint).  However, residents will say that it is a terrible idea, too expensive, and not an option.

the other option (which I think is the worst) is widening a lane for RTD buses only.  I just think this idea is terrible.  It will be slow, ugly, and super pollutey.  The good news is that everyone will be unanimous that it is a terrible idea, too expensive, and not an option.

We have spent millions and years debating this.  It is stupid and pointless at this point to even discuss.  Here is my solution, I no longer use the i-70.  It sucks, and is just a congestion party.  285 is WAY prettier, and rarely too trafficky.  We fish and camp off 285… problem solved.

What about skiers, you say?  Fuck ’em, I say.  People who ski are idiots.  People who snowboard are hipster idiots.  The reason I pay a mortgage is so I am NEVER stuck on a mountain in a snow storm on a couple of wooden planks.  NEVER.  Ironically, that is a rich person problem.

So, what is our take away, here, America?

Somewhere, someone is making a shit ton of money off of these non solution discussions.  You know how people rail against ‘big oil’, ‘big tobacco’ and ‘big pharm’.  Big Study is the name I will use for the imaginary oligarchy of study monkeys who are profiting off of this.  I mean, millions, if not billions, have gone into discussing these solutions… and absolutely nothing has manifested.  I am going to quit the rat race and get me a job with Big Study


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