Friday Fives

1. Do you have the 411

I used to think I did.

2. What’s your twenty?

home on the couch watching Louie CK’s brilliant show.  btw, that is CB speak above.  I know that.  Growing up, my Dad had a CB in our van.  So, when we went on road trips and camping, we would listen to the truckers talk.  Plus, you find out where the cops are.  Also, his friends had CBs, so they could communicate while we traveled.  You take that for granted now with cell phones, but communicating with a caravan was a lot tougher before phones.

3. What’s the most outrageous thing you’ve ever made anyone believe?

That I was on the Harvard skulling (rowing) team.  This is a great, and true story.  I was at my cousin Bobo’s wedding, and we were all liquored up having a great time.  Some guy came up and we made small talk.  He asked where I went to school (because back East, this is how people shake hands.  It’s a big deal).  Knowing he would not be impressed by ‘Northern Arizona University’, I said I was the rowing captain for Harvard.  Problem was this:  he was a professional rower, too.  I shit you not!  Being me, I didn’t have the sense to cop to the fact I was lying.  So, I made small talk with him as two professional rowers.  What I did was use his words, that were obviously specific lexicon, and repeat them back in a general way.  Like, he would say “we were kerplopping 4 hours at day in the morning.”  Not even knowing what ‘kerplopping’ was, I would say back “we kerplopped 2 hours in the morning, then I would have my guys carb load for easy energy”.   We kept drinking together, a lot.  So, to be honest, I don’t remember the end of that conversation.  He is probably somewhere telling a similar story on his blog about this drunk jackass he talked to who thought he was Art Vandalay

4. If you have an itch do you scratch it?

you are goddamn right I do.  You calling me a pussy?

5. As an adult, have you ever played truth or dare?

absolutely not.  I have no interest in that.  I am totally cool with the truth idea, but the dare scares me.


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