Friday Fives – the municipal version

Ok, I didn’t like today’s questions that were fed to me.  So, as a service to you, I simply googled  ‘top five questions’ and this came up.  These are the top five questions that city hall gets in Missouri City, MO.  I decided I will answer those instead.  My apologies to anyone reading in Missouri City.  Ha ha, get it?  I made a funny.  Like anyone in Missouri City can read.

Where can I purchase alarm permits

     what?  You have to have permission and a permit to alarm your house?  Why don’t you get a dog like the rest of us, hillbilly!

Where can I find out more about solid waste services

    you are talking about poo, arne’t you?  You are telling me the second biggest reason people call city hall is about poo?  Before I go on stereotyping the whole city as inbred bible beaters… tell me if you have indoor plumbing.  It would appear you don’t, so I will go on with the wonton mockery.

Where is city hall located

     It is that big pretty building where you go see Daddy once a year, who is in jail

Where can I find more informarion about utilities in Missouri City?

    dear caller:  it is clear we have no utitlities.  I mean, jesus… you are shitting in a pot in your back yard, and you want to know about high speed cable internet?  You realize that ‘utilities’ is not a euphamism for breasts, right?  Well, maybe it should be. 

Is there a recycling center?

   no.  We believe garbage is gods will.  If god wanted garbage picked up, the angel gabriel would do it willingly.

* in closing, I think I have found another target demographic to mock.  First, it was people with tattoos on their faces.  We know they are not reading this.  Second, it was the Amish, who are all puppy inbreeders.  Now, it’s the poo saving, no dog having, jeebus loving, illiterate sons of Missouri City, MO.

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