Friday Fives – cooking edition

1.    You have a kitchen.  All the things in a kitchen… stove, microwave, fridge… etc.   But, you have NO implements of any kind.  Not a single fork, spoon, knife, pot…etc.     You can go into Williams Sonoma (that is the fancy kitchen place, right) and leave with ten items.  What are those items?

fork, big wooden spoon, really nice big tall sided omelet pan, restaurant tongs (not those shitty ones we grew up with), wood cutting board (who are the assholes who buy the glass ones?  It makes a HORRIBLE racket).  Nice big ass chef knife, a steak knife,  this thing ( I think it is for dough, but I use it for everything.  Well, never for dough actually.), a decent glass casserole dish (which I have never made a casserole in, but its wicked useful.  I do marinating and mixing in it), coffee maker, coffee grinder, small metal bowl that I use every single day for mixing or whatever.  I fucking love this bowl, and size is important, ladies.  For this, you want small, and tall sides. 

Oh, and since I am at Williams Sonoma, and we can pretend this is for cooking… how about some whip-it nitrous canisters, a ‘cracker’, and some big ass balloons.  You know, for um…. uh… whipped cream.  Yeah, that’s the ticket.  Hint, this guy is not celebrating a birthday.  He is, however, about to fall over and laugh his ass off.

2.    Do you bake, or cook?

I do not bake.  Almost never.  But, I cook every night.  Baking is too specific, and requires attention to detail.  You can’t improvise with baking, unless you know some Alton Brown type kitchen science… and it is clear that you do not.

3.    You have a hot date tonight… with ME.  What’s your go to dish?

grilled chicken cutlets over a wild rice mixture cooked with chicken broth and coconut mil.  Top with some free dried chives and a pinch of grated parm.

4.    All these cooking hosts…  who do you like?  Who don’t you like?

there is no one I don’t like.  My favorite above all is Alton Brown.  I am a super big fan of his work… and him.  Got to see him last year on a book tour.  Have my signed ‘good eats’ recipe book in the pantry.  Wait, Ok, I will tell you someone I don’t love.  Sandra Lee.  She is creepy, and looks like one of those robot stepford wives.  Now, to be fair… her concept is brilliant.  The ‘almost home made’ idea is wise.  I use that shit all the time.  I take a 99 cent box of pasta roni.  Dress it up some grilled chicken, chives, and parm (as referenced above) and it looks like a delicious home made masterpiece.  But, it is ten minutes of cooking and $2 total cost due to my brilliant chicken system*

Also, Giada doesn’t do much for me.  It seems her only skill is being stupidly pretty.  That is of no value to me in a cooking show.  In fact, it is a distraction.

5. What do you think about this Nadia G business?

At first, I thought it was stupid, patronizing, gimmicky jive.  She was playing this Adriana tough jersey mobster girl.  Yet, she is actually and pretty and sweet and very funny Canadian.  After I watched a few (of course I watched, she is HOT) the show really grew on me.  I could see she was truly passionate about cooking and truly funny.  Also, her little vignettes with Panos and the others remind me of Alton’s show, Good Eats.  Also, I did some more digging and found she came up grass roots.  She used to produce these bits for Youtube, and they got super popular.  So, she is this fabricated and exaggerated character… but it’s her own creation (like Larry the Cable guy).  If producers made her be this person, it wouldn’t work.  She is real, and that is even her real name, for now.  Am thinking it will be hyphenated in no time – Nadia Giosi-Lono

*So, what is my awesome and brilliant chicken idea?  Well, I use chicken a LOT.  This sounds like a commercial set up, but its true.  defrosting, setting it up, trimming, cooking and all of that is a pain.  So, I do a few weeks worth at once.  I go to Albertsons because they consistently have crazy good meat deals ($2 a pound boneless skinlss breasts).  Everything else sucks about Albertsons except their meat.  So, I season and cook up a few pounds in batches in one night.  I cook them on the gridler george foreman thing I have.  It’s really nice.  Then, once cooked, I slice them and put them in ziplocks in about 1/4 pound increments and throw them in the freezer.  Now, I have super ready, and very tasty, chicken at my beck and call for anything… pasta, ceasar salad… whatevs.  Raw chicken is super nasty, and super deadly.   So, I only deal with it about once a month.

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