Hi, um… Islam. Thanks for coming in today. Listen, since you are here, I thought maybe there was a thing or two we could talk about. Would that be ok? Come on it, have a seat, please. You know Terry from HR, right? Ok, she just wants to be here to make sure I am fair and that your concerns are acknowledged.
Islam, I need you to go ahead and stop killing everyone. There, I said it! I am here to help you. I am your friend. However, I am also aware that having this discussion means you will decide to kill me if you get the opportunity. Fine, I am sticking to my guns and going to say it. Remember Bruce? He sat behind you in bay 237? He made that joke that Islam rhymes with wislam? Yeah, I know… I didn’t get it either. However, before I could talk to Bruce, you had him and his family killed.
Do you see my concern here? We have an open door policy in the office, and I know you know that. We talked about this last year after you hung Marcia’s kids for making you a ‘stick Mohammed’ for your Christmas tree. Free speech is important here in the office, just as religious tolerance is. You don’t get to kill people for mocking your religion. Not even a little. In fact, I looked at your file here. It appears the people you have been killing for mocking your religion. These people were being specific about the insane amount of violence in your imagined self defense. Meaning, you get mad that people think Islam is inherently violent and cruel. I would, too. However, killing all these people who think that just validates their concern.
Islam can not, and will not, mean peace or love or god until you stop killing everyone who says otherwise.
Thank you, and again please don’t kill me.