Lawrence Taylor wants to kick your ass – another great true story


This is an email my buddy sent me. It is not any different from a thousand emails we exchange. earlier this week, the Baseball Hall of Fame results were announced (with no entries due to the steroid scandals) so we started talking sports.  He got wind of a Lawrence Taylor signing event.  This is what they sent him.  He is on some email distro for such things:

Lawrence Taylor Update: Autograph Time 12pm – 2pm
Just under 70 tickets have been Sold so far for L.T.
We Are Taking Mail – in Items and Orders for L.T.
Those Items sent in will receive the Free Inscription and Free L.T. – 56 Hologram. All our items Mailed out will have the HOF Inscription and Hologram on the Item.
Note: The Signing is for 250 items only
Lawrence Taylor will be Signing his Full Name at the Show
Autograph Tickets are only on sale by Phone {623} 587-****
Autograph Fees are Listed on our website
Sports Card Collectors Show
Saturday March 30
North Phoenix Baptist Church – Central & Bethany Home
10am – 3pm / 60 Tables / Admission $1

So, this is what he sent me.

Lawrence Taylor is doing an autograph show here soon. He’s charging $80-$135 depending on what you want signed. I think he has blown ALL of his money thru drugs and lawyers… But he can still “eat” thru auto-signings. Let Schilling do the same thing.

I’ll give Taylor $80 for an auto… As long as he comes over and washes my jeep and pulls my weeds.

Classic, right?  He and I are firing back emails right in the middle of all of this.  If you are a good reader, you already know how this turns out from the couch story.  He hits send.  To me.  Like he does five times a day.  This is just two dudes talking about sports, and how we hate almost all sports stars.  Here is the catch, though.  We’ll call my friend ‘Jamie’ here, since that is his real name.  He didn’t send this to me.  Nope.  He thought he had sent it to me.  Until… this happened; He had been corresponding with LT’s publicity agent about details of the event.  and… he… uh… accidentally sent that email above which was meant for me to Lawrence Taylor’s agent.

Dude was not nearly amused as you were.  Nope.  This is what he sent back to Jamie verbatim:

From: Jeff **** <**********>
Date: January 9, 2013, 7:31:38 PM MST
To: <az********>
Subject: RE: Lawrence Taylor Update / Store Now Closed @ PV Mall

I Will Give you a ticket if you tell this to his face and I can watch you get the Shit beat out of you
Do you have life Insurance – Medical insurance

Yeah, true story.  How you doin?

**** update – holy crap.  I am a prophet!  If you read here often, you know that I often reference older posts of mine as I write.  Why?  Because I was correct 4 years ago and no one listened (is usually the gist).  This is another case of that.  Back in 2005 I wrote about the idea of ‘Microsoft Spite Block’ which was an app in your Outlook that warned you before sending regrettable emails.  Seriously, 8 years ago.  Too bad Jamie wasn’t reading back then, I guess.


8 thoughts on “Lawrence Taylor wants to kick your ass – another great true story

  1. Meet the Greatest Defensive Player in NFL History

    NY Giants Legend & NFL Hall of Famer

    Lawrence Taylor

    Will Be in Phoenix Saturday March 30 from 12pm – 2pm

    Signing Autographs and Taking Pictures.

    The Autograph Signing will be at the North Phoenix Baptist Church in the Fellowship Center

    Address: 5757 North Central Ave – Central & Bethany Home

    Advance Tickets are on sale now and the day of the autograph signing.

    Ticket Prices are listed on our Web Site

    Did you Miss the Public Autograph signing with Arizona Cardinals Wide Receiver

    Larry Fitzgerald

    in September at the Fellowship Center, We are going to meet with Larry in Early April

    to get our items Autographed.

    Bring Your Items to the March 30 Show and drop them off with us and we will get them Autographed for you. Prices are Listed on our Web Site

    Mark your Calendar for our upcoming signings in Phoenix with Baseball Hall of Famers

    Cubs Andre Dawson April 20

    Brewers and Twins Paul Molitor May 11

    Cardinals Bob Gibson June 15

    Cardinals 0zzie Smith Oct 19

    Also Coming June 15 one of the 50 Greatest Dallas Cowboys Players

    He Was a Fan Favorite during his 15 seasons in Dallas Bill Bates will be in Phoenix

    Information : Jeff Thalblum {623} 587-9766

    Press Release 3/21/13
    Spring Training will be over in a couple of weeks and the baseball tourist will head for home

    but a new group will stop in the valley for one day. They are coming as far away as North Carolina, El Paso Texas,

    Santa Fe New Mexico, Las Vegas. all over southern California and from every city in Arizona. Pre Purchased

    Autograph tickets have been sold to these fans who will get to meet one of the most popular sports Icons ever to put on a Jersey.

    On Saturday March 30th the Greatest Defensive Player in NFL History { Voted By}

    New York Giants Legend & NFL Hall of Famer Lawrence Taylor will make his 1st Appearance ever in the Valley.

    LT as his fans know him will be Signing Autographs from 12pm – 2pm

    Lawrence Taylor was a 2-Time Super Bowl Champion.

    The Autograph Signing and Sports Card Show will be at North Phoenix Baptist Church – 5757 North Central Ave.

    Admission to the Sports Card show is $1 parking is free at all Events.

    Autograph fees are Charged to get the Players Autographs and are listed on


  2. Jeff – glad to see you post here. I am more than happy to help publicize for you. Turn about is fair play, and I felt like a bit of a jerk after posting the story. However, it is pretty damn funny if you step back and take a look at it. You are always welcome on this post… or anywhere around here. In fact, now that I have approved you, your comments will likely auto approve going forward.

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