the footlong subway and the one hour photo

Apparently, Subway sub sammiches are not 12 inches.  Specifically, their ‘foot long’ subs are not in the strictest sense… a foot long.  The pulizter candidates from HuffPo discovered this.  Subway’s defense is that the footlong is “just a name“.  This doesn’t bother me, even a little.  I am glad it was exposed, but I am pretty indifferent about the issue.

Instead, I am reminded of a story that goes way back to Flagstaff – which means about 20 years ago.  I was developing some film at Target, where I worked at the time.  The place said ‘one hour film’.  I explained I was off work in an hour, and would the shots be ready?  I figured since I worked there, I would have some extra mojo with that insulant little fuck face behind the counter.

“no, it will be a couple of hours”.

Really?  Because I am in a hurry to get out of here once my shift ends, and it says ‘one hour photo’

(you see where this is going, right?)

Yeah, emo boy explained that ‘one hour photo’ was just the name of the kiosk.  Back then, I was much more passionate about any slight or perceived injustice thrown my way.  I explained to little insolent bastard (we’ll call him ‘Donny‘ going forward, to shorten things) that ‘One Hour Photo’ was not just a name.  In fact, it was not a name at all.  The business is not called ‘one hour photo’, it is called Target.  The lure and the promise is we can have your pictures ready in under an hour – while you are shopping.

At this point in the story, you are likely thinking that I was that SAME kid five years before.  No I was not.  Yes, I had long hair and regarded myself as considerably more evolved as those around me (as everyone does at that age).  However, I was NEVER anything but pleasant to people and when I worked.  If you know me, you know that.  When I deal with people who are working, I strive to make them smile and get them to step out of their head for a minute.  I learned it from watching my dad, who was a master of minor interactions.   So, don’t go reading this like it is karmic payback.  I have been many things, but I was never a dick.

back to our regular scheduled programming

That is when I had my great ‘fuck you, man’ moment.  He said “well, I can try” and I said “no thanks, I’ll take my business elsewhere!”  Oh yeah, read that motherfucker again.  I will take my business elsewhere.  ZAP!  Bazinga!  You just got served.  All day long I was riding high on a cloud of awesomeness and indignation.  When I look back at that event today, I realize how far off I was.  That kid made $4.80 an hour, just like I did.  That was minimum wage at the time (1995-ish).  He made that $4.80 whether or not I gave him my pictures to develop.

In fact, if I gave him my pictures, he would have had to work for that $4.80.  Instead, by shunning him, he won on every level.  He didn’t have to work, got paid the same, and got me to go away.  Well played, Donny.  Well played.  It took me 20 years to find out it was not Lono who won that day.  I would like to think that Lib went on to be CEO of Subway.  Most likely, though, he is still at that booth in Target in Flagstaff.

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