* sorry for the long meandering title, but my editor apparently has the attention span of a fruit fly. I don’t pick the questions, you see. Not ever. But I answer them – whatever y’all throw at me. In fact, if you have an idea for the Fives, I would love it. After ten years and 1200 posts, I am running out of fresh ideas.
1. What is one free software application everyone should have/use?
2. What free game should everyone have?
whatever you have on your phone to kill time. Angry Birds is great, especially the new Star Wars stuff. The key is just the time kill aspect. Like, if I am shopping with the wife – which is never a good idea – I just find a chair and kill time playing little tiny video games. It helps time go, which is nice. That way I don’t become a cranky dick to her. She can take her time. Or, lets say you are getting your tires replaced. You have 2 hours to kill at Discount Tire.
3. What’s a good conversation starter?
football. Two things I can always talk about are politics and football. However, one never knows what side of the fence others are politically. So, football is more tactful. We are all on the same team, for the most part.
4. What is something everyone should keep in the car?
now you are in my wheelhouse. For me, of course, we are talking about a truck. Cars are for pussies. Here is what you should have, always – a wool blanket, jumper cables, a rubber mallet, a leatherman, one of those cool foldy army shovel things, vice grips, duct tape, electrical tape, compass, fire starter magnesium thingy, cell phone charger, crescent wrench, wine key, collapsible dog bowl, tampons for your lady, chewing gum, flashlights. TONS of flashlights. headlamps, blinky lights… every kind of light imaginable, weather radio, a quart of oil, a gallon of anti-freeze, a hidden key to your house, a couple good tarps, jar of bungees.
Like lights, I keep TONS of knives. Between me and my truck, there are probably 6 large knives on me or near me at ALL times: pocket knife, survival knife, leatherman, swiss army knife, emergency vehicle knife. This last knife has two very specific and important traits. One is the crevasse that cuts a seat belt very quickly. The other is a steel punch which will shatter your passenger window instantly with a swift blow. Plus, I keep this particular big ass knife in my arm rest. So, if someone tries to rob or stab me or whatever, I am very quickly armed. The vehicle emergency knife is in case you drive into a body of water. This isn’t likely, especially when you live in the high desert like me. But, if it happens, I am ready.
I know that will never happen. But, between being a boy scout and a now being a Red Cross Disaster volunteer, I take this stuff wicked seriously. Also, at a later date, we need to talk about a good tarping job,.
5. If you could invent a universal hand signal for everyone who drives uses, what would it be?
“shit, my bad. I am SO sorry. I didn’t see you, honestly. That was totally my fault, though”