Friday Fives – strange days indeed

1.  What’s a physical feature you wish you had?

being taller
2.  Who would be the absolute worst celebrity to be elected president?

Charlie Sheen.  You think he would be great because he is so forthright, and politics could use a straight shooter, right?  Wrong!  You are forgetting the guy is batshit crazy.  He has a huge stable of ex wives and children and still spends every free moment banging hookers and doing blow.  Nice way to live, if you are an 80’s comedy.

3.  If you were a Crayon, what would your name be?

flesh colored, you racist

4.  What are the craziest theory you have heard/come up with about dinosaurs going extinct?

that trex couldn’t masturbate because of his tiny, tiny hands.

5.  Who is the strangest person you’ve ever met?

ooh, that’s a doozy.  I wish I could tell you a great rock star story here, but I can’t.  I have met a LOT of rock stars, and they have all been exceedingly nice and approachable.

Ok, I let this sit for about 24 hours so I could answer this better.  The top was all filled out.  I have an answer for #5.  It is, of course, a Hunter Thompson story.  Years ago, we went to see Hunter speak in Boulder.  He sat on stage and drank whiskey and fielded questions from the audience, myself included.  About half way through the show, a student brought him ether.  it was a flask of some sort.  You pour a little bit of the liquid into a rag… and then put the rag up to your mouth and huff.  At least, that is what Hunter did.

Let’s pause here for a moment and talk about ether and what it does to you.  Even better, let’s use Hunter’s own words (from Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas)

“The only thing that really worried me was the ether. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge. And I knew we’d get into that rotten stuff pretty soon. Probably at the next gas station.”

 

So, he would take a huff about every ten minutes, and then let out this bizarre scream of joy and pain.  i swear, it was like a movie.  Oh, and this isn’t the strange part, yet.  Towards the end of the evening, when everyone was well liquored (myself included) there were some gals who asked some questions Hunter didn’t like.  They were asking why Hunter didn’t have ANY female lead characters in any of his books.  It’s a very valid, and accurate, question that had never occurred to me.

Well, Hunter didn’t like these questions at all.  He didn’t like having his integrity and ability questioned by 19 year olds… even though it was a very thoughtful question.  So, he stood up and then threw his microphone down on the ground as hard as he could.  He kept doing this until it shattered.  He would then wait until the girl sat down, and then had someone bring out a new mike.  At this time, he continued on with the Q&A as if none of this had happened.

Well, the girls weren’t done.  God bless, they were a few deep.  So, the next girl asked if Hunter was a misogynist, or is that just a character in his writing.  Again, a very thoughtful question.  Again, Hunter no likey.  Exact same thing happened again – 3 times in total.  At that point the poor moderator had to ask the crowd to refrain from asking feminist questions.  “Not because we want to censor you, but because we are out of microphones”.

So, yeah… that was an experience.  I have to say, it was pretty much everything you might expect in a Hunter Thompson experience… including the fact that he was a few hours late.

In closing, Hunter got arrested that night, but not for huffing ether.  He got arrested for attacking someone with a fire extinguisher.

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