Friday Fives – words and web edition

  1. What are some of your most confounded “That Guy…” behaviors?

I don’t think I understand the question. I think you are asking “what is it about you that really annoys everyone?” Is that the question? Well, if that is the question, then how about maybe fuck you is the answer! How about ‘dem apples? I am not here to tell you what is wrong with me. You may form your own opinions, but I am certainly not going to help you attack me.

You want the dirt on me?  You will NEVER get it.  You want to hear me say things like:  i am pushy, i talk too much, i am self centered and think I am more interesting than I really am, I am bossy, I never shut up, I am super insecure and unhappy with my height, I like to start fires in schools, I am a horrible singer… yet it never stops me.  i am a genetic mess of recessive genes that people wouldn’t pick out of the free bin and the local health clinic.  HA!  You will never get me to cop to any of that shit, crackers!  Nice try!

How about YOUR behaviors, mister judgy question guy? I’ll tell you about that! You are a meanie! Put that in your diary, you elitist monster!

  1. What profession was once highly respected, but is now a complete joke?

Webmaster/website builder. That used to be prestigious, and high paying. You had to know HTML, C+, and how to play dungeons and dragons. I took a stab at it long ago with this blog, when I started in 2003. Back then, I had to code everything. There was no drag and drop. I even had to explain in numbers what the colors should be and how big the font should be. It sucked, and after tons of work it still looked amateurish –think Geocities here. Here, I found this on the way back machine. This is what my website looked like ten years ago. Again, this was groundbreaking work ten years ago. Now, it’s just a bit sad. Keep in mind, this was actual content ten years ago. If you worked with me at the time, you know this face. I made it your wallpaper, often. I kill me!

Now, quite wonderfully, the tools are amazing. I can literally build a beautiful website for free in 15 minutes. Blogger (owned by Google) used to be the main player. However, most of us now use WordPress. They are a GREAT resource and I love them. This shit is so easy now my dad could build a website… and he still can’t work email. Most importantly, all of this is completely free! God Bless America!

  1. What fact could someday save my life somehow?

Urine is sterile. Mine is, anyway. I can’t imagine you will need to know that. Also, they say peeing on jellyfish does NOTHING. I think that is just a myth guys used to get girls to pull their pants down at close range. Come to think of it, this IS lifesaving. In fact, I am stung this very minute.   Ladies, unless you want me to die, start sending those pics over. I am rather choosy, after all.

  1. What fictional couple would never last in real life?

Kim and Kanye. I would bet my life it is a business arrangement. Both are getting richer and more famous off the other. It’s a win win for them. Yes, I am aware I called them fictitious. I can’t think of another way to explain Kanye. He is brilliant, and crazy, and the definition of narcissism. Know what I hate most about Kanye? He sucks live. His studio stuff KILLS, but I have never once heard a good live performance from him. Every other rapper generally shines live, not Kanye. Without the magic of a studio, a producer, and multiple takes, he falls flat.

To me, that is WAY worse than him just being a douchebag. Wait, here is something ever worser***

  1. What word do you think should be spelled differently?

Weerd. BAM! I just fixed that word. All that ‘I before e except after c’ is nonsense. Can you imagine trying to learn this language? Hey everyone, Y is a consonant. Got it? Simple stuff. EXCEPT, on Sundays, or leap years. Or, if an independent party wins in regional primaries. At that time, it is then a vowel. Duh!

Footnotes and corrections >

*** I am sorry, did you just say ‘worser’ is not a word? I bet to differ. I tell you what, quick show of hands. Everyone here who has a degree in Enlish Literature and Spanish Language raise their hands. Oh, it’s just me? Then shut up, I am more qualified to make up words than those pricks at Merriam Webster.


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