Stonehenge – Mystery Uncovered

 

 

For decades… nay… centuries, there have been questions about Stonehenge. When did they build it, why did they build it? What’s it for? Where is the rest of it?

That is a big one. It very much looks incomplete. It’s tough to tell, though, since we don’t know what it’s for. Also, these things are too damn big for someone to rob, aren’t they? Just look at it, it’s simply not done… whatever the hell it is.

I have been there, it was cool. One thing I found, it wasn’t nearly as big as I imagined it. I guess I thought it would be 10 stories high. It wasn’t. It was maybe one story high. The cool thing is you can walk right up to it. There is no visitors’ center, or gift shop. Just a bus that takes you out to BFE and you walk up and check it out. You can walk all around it.

So, back to the point I mentioned above. Why isn’t it finished? Was there ever more. They used all the fancy technology they had: ground radar, whatchamacallits, thingamajigs. To paraphrase Arlo “they were using all kinds of cop equipment they had laying around the station.” Nothing worked. Nothing could unravel the mystery of Stonehenge – which is what makes it so enigmatic. Until now. Due to the brutal drought conditions of England recently, the original footprint of the monoliths was revealed.

Here is a sketch of what they NOW believe to be the original site to mapped out as. Here, let them explain it

 stonehengemap3

The 15 hidden monuments near Stonehenge suggest the site wasn’t an isolated place visited only on special occasions, as science has previously proposed, but was once bustling with all kinds of activity. “The perceived wisdom was driven by the monuments we knew about,” Gaffney told Smithsonian. “We’ve put in the data between the monuments.”

So this is good, right? Yes, this is super good. See, we can talk about climate change in Europe. They all believe the Science. The whole world does, except for 45% of Americans. That isn’t why I write, though.

I write because of this; do you know why they discovered this, or how? What great Elon Muskian type intellect solved the greatest mystery of all humanity? They didn’t. It was an accident. Better yet… it was the greatest human characteristic – sloth

The hose didn’t reach. They water Stonehenge with a garden hose. It’s just like yours, except theirs serve tea, also. The landscaper had the wrong hose. It was too short to reach all around the monoliths. I can’t believe this, either. So, I’ll let them explain:

One of the mysteries of Stonehenge has been solved because someone was too lazy to get a longer hose.

Usually, the grass around the puzzling collection of Neolithic stones is watered by stewards, but this year, the hose used was too short, and didn’t reach the entire grounds. The unwatered grass dried out. It looked gnarly, but the barren land ended up showing archeologists the answer to a lingering question: Whether Stonehenge was actually supposed to be an incomplete circle.

What the fuck? You are entrusted with greatest secret of human evolution, and you got the wrong hose? Seriously, man? This reminds of the crazy who went to clean a famous painting of Jesus, and turned him into a monkey.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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