Don’t get Greg Brady’d

But Dad, it’s a classic!

America, I am not sure that this term exists in the lexicon… YET. It needs to, and I will explain why. It is an analogy I have been using for years. See, I once got ‘Greg Brady’d’ and I vowed never to let it happen again. It starts, as you have already surmised, with the storyline of a ‘Brady Bunch’ episode.

Greg was going to buy a car. He had been looking at cars with his dad/  Unfortunately, on this day, he was alone. Since he had never had a car, he didn’t know dick about cars. He, very wisely, needed advice from his dad.  When he found a beautiful car he loved, he made an offer. Even smarter, he made the offer contingent on his dad looking it over as soon as possible. The guy explained that would be fine. However, “I got a lot of people coming to look at this car today. You may take as long as you want, but it will be gone by dinner. This is one hot car and I have been getting calls all day on it.”

Greg was in a bind. Greg did what all 16 year olds would do. He went ahead and bought the car. The car, as you may guess, turned out to be a piece of shit. Worse? That guy had NO ONE coming to look at it. I don’t remember how that got revealed (it was 35 years ago, after all) but it got revealed. Greg got played, stuck with a pos, and no recourse.

Are you thinking “I would never fall for that”, then you are lying to yourself. People fall for this crap every day. I used to work in telemarketing, long long ago. I was the guy who called you and bothered you and tried to sell you shit. Specifically, I would sell you a $35 bottle of shampoo for $400***. Why, oh why, would people spend $400 on a $35 bottle of shampoo? Well, it’s because they thought they were going to also get a new car. They weren’t of course, but through very clever wording and positioning, I had people thinking that was the case. Even if you had every word I said in writing, you could not convict me. Admittedly, this was some questionable behavior. I was not proud of myself. In fact, when I won top sales guy, I quit.

What that has to do with getting Greg Brady’d is this; people (women mostly) would say

“I don’t know. That is a lot of money and I need to talk to my husband about it.”

“Well, ma’am, of course you do. I absolutely discuss all these things with my wife. It’s the only way a marriage works, and I am impressed by your level-headed-ness. My wife would tear my head off if I spent this kind of money without discussing it.  However, if I come home with a brand new Lincoln Town Car, I get to be the hero.  It’s just that… well… I got a lot of people calling me back this afternoon. I have three more appointments just between now and lunch. I have less than a case of shampoo left. To be honest, and fair to you, that case will be empty by the time I leave here. Now, I am here tomorrow if you want to talk it over with your husband and call me tomorrow, let’s set it up. However, just know that the shampoo, and your shot at a brand new Lincoln town car will be gone by tomorrow. By tomorrow, we’ll be on a new promotion. I think it’s yams or something. Mrs McGuillicutty, do you want yams? Or do you want a brand new Lincoln town car?”  Then, they would read me their credit card info over the phone and it was done!  By the time hubby got home and wanted to tear us a new one, we were closed.  In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if my boss changed the phone numbers once a week.

And that is how I became top salesman. That is how I Greg Brady’d people. (thinking of those great Comcast commercials) – Don’t become top salesman that way. Don’t ‘Greg Brady’ people, and don’t get Greg Brady’d yourself.

Holy Moly – I found the clip.  I didn’t think it existed online.  Man, I am sure good to you guys.  You don’t even have to click through, you lazy bastard.  It’s embedded right here.

*** I ran the $400 in 1990 through this super cool inflation calculator. Today, that figure is about $750


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