Friday Fives – driving edition

What song, if you hear it while driving, will inexplicably make you want do drive a billion miles per hour?

Born to run. I don’t consider myself a Springsteen fan. I do not own a single Springsteen CD. However, I regard ‘born to run’ as the greatest rock song ever.

What’s the weirdest thing you do while driving by yourself in the car?

What the hell kind of question is that? Further… let’s just say I do do something super weird alone the car… am I going to tell you yahoos? The answer to that, my dear yahoos, is no. Could that question be any creepier? Wait… it can be… if it were a text.

What is the craziest thing you’ve ever seen while driving?

Oh, I got an answer for that! First, let me say this. I have noticed a constant in travel, and I don’t care for it at all. Every population seems to feel their city’s drivers… on the whole… are the worst drivers ever. People proudly proclaim things like “my boyfriend’s brother’s mailman’s neighbor knows a truck driver, and he says he has been everywhere and _____ has the worst drivers. I don’t know why people are so self pleased with this claim… but they are.

You know how uninteresting and unattractive people love to tell you about their special dish they cook that they feel defines them?  It’s like that with people complaining about their state and drivers.

According to actuaries, South Carolina has the worst drivers… with a tip of the hat to Montana for highest amount of drunk drivers.

Now, back to the question; what is the craziest shit I have seen? We were in Florida driving on a freeway. People drive really fast in Florida. Anyhow, we are on a freeway somewhere going about 70. My wife says ‘my god, look at this’, and I did. It was a lady next to us on the freeway. So she then, also, is going about 70. Only difference is she is reading a paperback book as she drives. She is all alone in a tiny little car. She has the paperback open and braced against her steering wheel. She isn’t just holding it, either. She was very clearly reading.

What pisses you off the most about other drivers when driving?

Lack of turn signals. It really, really upsets me. Everyone should be using a turn signal, ALWAYS. What if you are in a left turn lane, getting ready to to left… do you need it? YES. How about pulling in to your driveway? YES. Private property? YES. How about after the zombie apocalypse when you are the only person left on earth and you are taking a right turn from a right hand turn only lane… what about that? What if you were blind, and everyone else driving was blind, and we all lived on the sun so that no one could possibly see anything so dim as a taillight… especially with us being blind at all.  Do I need to then?  YES.

YES, goddammit, YES.  If for any reason, at any time, you find yourself wondering if you need your turn signal for this, the answer is YES.

What do you have to lose? Is blinker fluid expensive? Does it cause wear and tear on the car? Does it take considerable effort? Then why aren’t you using it… ALWAYS?

The other thing is this, and I just witnessed this yesterday. If you are driving in a huge snowstorm… turn on your fucking headlights, ok? ESPECIALLY if you are driving in a very low visibility snow storm and you are in a white sedan. If I am a cop, and I see this, I ain’t ticketing you. I am taking your keys and making you walk home. This might even qualify as one of those ‘if you don’t know why I am mad, I am not even going to tell you!’  I have said this before, and I bet your life I will say it again.  It isn’t so you can see… its so we can see you.

Since we’re probably all way worse drivers than we think, lets assemble a list of driving protrips?

thank you for starting out with that premise.  Absolutely true.  I think the one thing every human on earth has in common… even people in the bush of remote jungles who have never seen electricity… every one of us regards ourselves as a better than average driver.  Fact – you are not.  Me?  Same thing… my driving is average at best. I am only better than you because I am self aware of the fact that I may not a better driver than you.

• If your headlights are on during the day, whatever the reason, so should your headlights be.
• Use a turn signal goddamn always always always.
• Stay to the right. Even if you are going 300 mph, and are the only one left on earth… stay to the right unless you are passing
• When you see a speed trap, flash your brights at me as a courtesy. If enough folks did this, we would eliminate speed traps altogether
• Have a little pride, man, and wash your car
  instead of the radio, listen to some books on tape. Spend your daily commute learning, and being entertained. These days, you can download books free from your library right to your cell phone… without ever stepping foot in the library. It’s pretty bad ass.  Why are you still listening to Clear Channel play the same 6 songs hour over hour?
• Put down your phone and your fast food and concentrate on driving. This is specifically a note to myself

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