Friday Fives – hair today… gone tomorrow

What’s the longest your hair has ever been?

In high school and half of college, I had long hair. Past my shoulders. Girl length, and as my Marine father loved to point out.
What’s the longest amount of hair you’ve cut off at once?

All of it. I went from rather long hair to bald. SKIN bald. I was doing this long long before it was cool… or normal. There was no one in the public eye who was bald. Maybe Michael Jordan. I found something interesting about shaving my head, because it was so super unusual. People were way more freaked out by a dude with a bald head than a guy with long hair. Parents pulled their kids away from me at the grocery store. I got a kick out of this. We grow our hair long as guys to thumb our nose at society and say ‘we don’t need your rules, man!’ So, seeing people even more troubled by no hair was pretty punk rock, I thought.

Now, when I say a guy with a bald head was exceptional, it ain’t hyperbole. Here is proof. I was delivering Chinese food at the time, (which is a dope ass job.  I ate like a king, super tasty and expensive food.) Back to the narrative.

I was delivering a bunch of food to the hospital. Turned out to be the cancer ward. I got in the elevator with a nurse who asked me about my cancer. I told her I didn’t have cancer, I was just delivering Chinese food (showing her the $200 worth of food I was carrying). She didn’t believe me, and I guess she thought I was ashamed. She said “it’s ok, we can talk about it her. You are in a safe place”. “no ma’am. I appreciate the kind words, but I assure you I am just here to deliver food, and have no cancer.” She still didn’t believe me. She said “it’s ok. When you are ready to talk, come find me.”   THAT is a true story to illustrate unusual it was to be skinhead bald in 1994-ish. Not, my baldness has NOTHING to do with being a ‘skinhead’ (racist). I assure you, that is the furthest from my agenda. I love everyone, even you.

What length is your hair now?

Still bald, but I don’t shave it with a razor to keep it smooth. That is too much work. Instead, I shave it with clippers about twice a week. I take off all the guards and set the blade as close as I can. It only takes about 4 minutes, and I haven’t paid for a haircut in 20 years.

What length of hair do you prefer most on yourself?

This look, but that is because I am all male pattern baldness. If I could, it would be nice to rock long hair again. However, I love the no maintenance of having no hair. Having long hair is high maintenance.

What length of hair do you prefer most on your partner/potential partners?

I like long hair on a girl. I think short hair is weird. I was told once by a peer years ago that had pretty long hair… she said she was told if she wanted to get ahead in corporate America, she would have to cut her hair. Apparently, the femininity of long hair intimidates dudes. That is SO dumb. Girls, keep your hair long if that is what you want. Don’t take shit from the man.


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