Friday Fives – it’s electric

Poll: Are pandas useless?

Finally, someone willing to stand up to big panda, and the big panda lobby. I don’t care about them one way or the other. They seem awful fragile, though. Did you know that China owns ALL Pandas? They charge zoos in the US a million bucks a year. You can blame all that on Richard Nixon.

Turns out, that brand new panda baby instantly belongs to China. As do all other pandas on the planet. I was a little shocked by this. Every single giant panda in the world belongs to China.

So, let’s say you have two smuggled and amorous pandas in your basement… again. They make a panda baby. China owns that baby. Well, they would… except no one has been able to get pandas to mate in captivity. In closing, I guess have to say, Pandas can suck it!

Also, since no one seems to know anything about them, I distrust anyone who takes an extra interest in them.  Do not trust that person.  Especially if they have a tattoo.  “He’s my spirit animal!”.  Well then, honey, that tramp stamp also belongs to communist China.  Is it possible pandas are all arsonists?  Well, no one can prove they’re not.  So, lets go with that, as well.

What Crayon color describes your current mood?

Tired.   It’s late. Been in Red Cross training all night. It’s fine content and all, but its mostly hours upon hours of power point presentations by well-intended, but very very old, facilitators. Do you see what I do to keep you safe?  Btw, what kinda Barbara Walters bullshit question was that?

How many baseballs can you put in your mouth?

Seven. Why? Who have you been talking to? Was it Dave? Lemme tell you something, Dave is a fucking liar.**** footnote below

What do you do when the internet goes down?

I go to the back of my little router with a toothpick and push the secret reset button. All is well again.

Nicola Tesla was born on this day in 1839.  What’s your worst electrical disaster?

I haven’t had a super bad one, but I did learn some stuff about conductivity. We have an electric horse fence perimeter. It’s a very light charged electric string, low voltage. What we have it mounted on is plastic insulators over a very large and long steel fence. A rather conductive fence, it turns out. I was testing to see if the wire was hot. Not a big deal, it’s a shock like a 9 volt on your tongue. Problem was, my other hand was unwittingly holding onto the one acre steel fence. I created some kind of super arc. Like, made noise and glowed and lightning and stuff. In my hand. Hurt like a bitch. Since then, I bought a cheap and safe little $12 fence tester that tells me these things.

I am sure most of you know this, but Tesla was the bomb. HE invented the electricity in your house and your city, not Edison. Oh, and he invented radio. Oh, and he invented inductive charging, which we are STILL trying to figure out. Tesla was the greatest. Turns out he was also kinda nuts, and an asshole.It’s ok, Edison was a much bigger asshole.  The two were in a BIG PR war over whose electricity should rule the world.  Tesla’s won because it could travel for miles and miles, as it does today.  For Edison’s system, you had to have an electric transformer station every two miles.  Edison had more money and power, though.  To convince the world that Tesla’s idea was dumb, he had an elephant electrocuted in full public view with Tesla’s current.  It was to say, in no small terms, this is exactly what will happen if you let that Russkie into our infrastructure.

Still, perhaps the greatest mind of all time… certainly as pertains to electricity.  Props to the great Matthew Inman of the Oatmeal for all the amazing work he has done in protecting and restoring Tesla’s lab.  Actually, he has done too much to hyperlink here.  Just take this google search I did for you and start studying.  The Oatmeal literally makes learning fun.

Can I go to bed now? I have a big day tomorrow.  Plus, I still have a LOT of work to do on this Grateful Dead reunion piece.  There is a lot to discuss.  It’s all good and joyful, but I am thorough in these things.

**** pretty sure things are about to get weird at home when the wifey goes to google something involving the letter ‘h’ that automatically comes back with ‘how many baseballs can you fit in your mouth?”.  Pretty sure her next search will be for a marriage counselor.  Thanks a lot, Roy.

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