Friday Fives – was So-crates spongeworthy?


What’s a trap that almost everyone will fall into at some point in their lives?

Going through the days like a barely aware zombie.  Wake up, work, go home, eat and watch a couple hours of tv.  Rinse, repeat.  Shit, how did I get to be 43?  Where is my sense of wonder?  Where is that ‘be here now’ mantra I promised I would never lose with age?  I lost it, man.  My cake’s out in the rain, and I don’t think I can bake it again.

I think of Thoreau’s “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them”

Or Socrates ‘the unexamined life is not worth living’.*

  • From Bill and Ted, I still call him ‘So-Crates’, as opposed to ‘Sock-rah-teez’.

What are some common American customs that are seen as offensive in other countries?

Punching people.  Did you know there are several countries in Europe that regard it as a personal affront if you walk up and punch them.  Man, that business meeting in the Netherlands went south… fast.

Ok, here is something real.  I speak decent Spanish.  I minored in it in college, went to live with a family in Mexico and go to school… the real deal.  My Spanish is decidedly Mexican Spanish. Proper European Hispanics (meaning anywhere other than Mexico) find Mexican Spanish guttural garbage.  It’s like ebonics with us.  You just wonder “I know you know these words, why can’t you articulate like the smart person you clearly are?”  When we first went to Costa Rica, I was proud of my speaking abilities.  We had a group of about ten of us, and only the wife and I spoke Spanish… so we had to speak for everyone.   Everytime I spoke to someone there, it was as if I ended each sentence with ‘your mother is a whore’, because of my slang filled butchery of their beautiful language.

I thought I would get points for having a grasp, and they would appreciate my efforts.  Nope.  I learned to stick with English, so as not to offend.

What’s something really insignificant that everyone has a strong opinion on anyway?

“everyone talks about the weather, but no one does anything about it”.  Politics is a big one, though.  We are all wound up, but at the end of the day, who wins has a very little impact on our day to day lives.  Everyone loves to talk about taxes.  Guess what, no matter who wins what, your paycheck ain’t gonna change by any measurable level.

What ways do people visiting your area inadvertently signal they are tourists?

Be alive, be driving.  Be breathing.  Colorado is experiencing insane growth from the whole legal pot thing.  Initially, it was a blessing.  We made tons of money, and worked to get the criminality out of it, and eliminate the black market.  It was great.  It created a tons of jobs and wealth and revenue.  Initially.  Now, it is crushing us.  Colorado is imploding under legal weed.  Last year (2015) saw over 100,000 people moving to Denver.  There isn’t enough jobs or housing for these folks, so it just made the cost of living unbearable.  They say you have to make $80,000 a year (or $33 an hour) to afford an apartment here.  If you are making that, you aren’t renting… you are buying.

Plus, every square inch of Denver and suburbs has been gobbled up by grow houses.  Even sadder, that money isn’t tricking down into the community as well as it could because they still can’t bank. If you own a pot store, you can’t not put your nightly receipts into a bank.  It’s against Federal law, see.  So, each owner locks up their shop at 7 pm… in the dark… and walks to their car with about $20,000 in cash.  They have to just stash this at home, like a cartel.  So, that wealth isn’t getting circulated like it could.

When I was looking for work about a year ago, I saw driver/transport jobs for people who needed large quantities of weed moved around to stores and warehouses and such.  They want me to have a fan full of about $20,000 worth of weed, and another $20,000 worth of untraceable cash… for $12 an hour. Wtf?  First, I need an armored vehicle, and an armed guard for that job.  $12 an hour?  I can make that at Burger King (selling weed out back to the employees).

Help is on the way.  Other states are seeing the millions and billions we are making, and another 20 states will probably legalize it this November.  Once that happens, people won’t have to come from around the world to live in Denver.

What is an “As seen on tv” product that works or has worked?

Pretty much everything Billy Mays hocked worked.  I love that man, and I miss that man.  Most sad?  He never got his cultural due.  He had the unfortunately luck of dying the night before Michael Jackson passed.

The most impressive ‘as seen on tv’ thing we have is miracle sponge thingy.  The mighty sponge?  The Magic Eraser, that’s it!  It’s the bright white sponge that is exactly the size of a chalk eraser.  On the commercials, they will tell you it cleans up after a Sharpie.  They will tell you it takes those kool aid stains off your formica.  BS, right?  Nope.  That shit just works, yo!  It may be even better than the commercials.  Get one of these today.  If you have kids, get 10.



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