Friday Fives – randomology



What is your current first world problem?

I resent the shit out of the alarm on my cell phone. Fills me with rage. If you are using the cell phone alarm, you are likely not at home. Let’s then call that ‘vacation’. If I am on vacation, why the shit am I setting an alarm. Sadly, I have already written about this. But, you did ask.  Let’s move on >

oh… and this; post it notes that open in this stupid accordion manner.  So, you never know which end has the sticky part until you are done with the note and it was invariably now written upside down.  This guy, or gal, is an asshole.  This guy, or gal, most likely doesn’t leave the toilet paper like this.  THIS Is how it is supposed to go.  If you do it this way, you are a jerk.  I am pretty sure that is science.  What happened if your life that made you turn out like this?  Did your parents not love you?  This is the home of a serial killer, and likely (worse) litter bug.

Also, I really really like the term ‘white person problem’.  I know we aren’t supposed to say that, but it’s much funnier that way.  All my black friend agree on this!

 What job deserves a higher pay?

 Pilots and doctors. Both are no longer top tiered paying jobs. I want my doctor and my pilots RICH. I don’t want them to have to work extra jobs, or take extra hours, or be pre-occupied. Especially for a doctor. You have to go to an extra 20 years of school, and you are still about $500,000 in debt… and you don’t get rich anymore. The insurance companies have made sure of that. Every single doctor I have talked to in the last ten years tells me if they started over in today’s world, they would not do health care. There is no money in it, and you hardly get to doctor. The doctor does not decide if you need your balls removed from your wife’s purse, or if you need life saving surgery. NO sir. Those decisions are made by pinheads in cubicles looking over actuary tables.

 Remember the fatal plane crash in Buffalo several years ago? Plane iced over, crashed, everyone died. Why? The pilots were overworked, and all had to moonlight at other jobs.;

 What’s the coolest thing you’ve ever found?

 Rock and roll

 What should already be invented by now?

 Access to health care, drinking water, and food for people willing to work full time. When I say ‘access to health care’, this is what I mean. All your life, you get to see a doctor. Now, that doesn’t necessarily free surgery. Maybe it is a doctor saying “dude, you need knee surgery, bad. Also, your eyeglass prescription changed.” Maybe you don’t get the surgery for free, but you get access to a doctor. Free.

 If someone made a documentary about your life, what would it be called?

You can’t make this stuff up

in the movie, I will be played by Paul Giamatti.  He is an amazing actor, and has more Oscar’s waiting in him than John Goodman.  Most importantly; Paul Giamatti is a schlubby guy.  So am I.  We were born to play each other.  I ever really enjoy these Comcast commercials he is in.  I hate the company, but the adds are brilliant and fun.  Here is the deal, in the time it took me to write that last paragraph, Paul Giamatti’s beard just grew another beard, which knocked out Chuck Norris cold, and then made it back in time for the Oscars to receive ‘best beard by a black actor in comedy’.  Get it?  Cause… you know… they don’t give out Oscars to black actors, or directors

I worry Giamatti might be heading in to Dennis Farina town, wherein he just plays the same character for 35 years?  Al Pacino, I am looking in your direction, there.  Ok, getting way of topic.  Time for bed, eh?


Know what?  I should make this my profile picture.  If you hop over to the ‘about’ section, you will see a picture of someone who is clearly not me.  Whomever that guy is, I don’t think he is desktop publishing snarky satire at home right now.  This picture above, though, is perfect.  He looks more me than I do.  Btw, I am not a snob like him.  I’ll drink Merlot.


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