Friday Fives – Springfield edition


When they say there are no dumb questions, how do you challenge that fundamental assumption?

Thanks to the internet, it is kinda non issue now.  Example; when I was a kid, I thought that dinosaurs were just a theory.  Remember, I was raised Catholic, and they really don’t believe in dinosaurs.  If you ask a Christian, the party line is that dinosaur bones were placed here on Earth by the devil to trick us into not believing in Jesus.  No, really.  They tell people that.  So…um… yeah.  Those are the people running the Earth.  The Catholic church is the largest landholder on earth.

these things may be common knowledge, but they still need to be brought up from time to time.

Been to the Vatican?  I have.  It is big business, and a corporate HQ on every level.  I can talk all the shit I want, since I was raised by these asshats.  Am an atheist now.  I think the Catholics make more Atheists than GW Bush made Democrats.

Oh, since I am ranting about this… did you see Spotlight?  It’s the movie about the original investigation that unraveled the priest rapings.  Did you stay to the end after the credits?  You know how the main bad guy Cardinal was busted and kicked out?  Guess what happened after?  The pope (JP2) hired him to be a Cardinal… and so he was in the running for Pope… AFTER all this was worldwide exposed.  Everyone like JP2, he seemed so nice (especially compared to Darth Pope, his successor).  Well, I have a beef with JP2.  He went to Africa and told Africans that condoms don’t stop aids.  Motherfucker.  The entire continent is being ravaged by aids.

Cardinal Law (the one who the movie was made about, and was kinda the center of the entire global rape conspiracy) is STILL a Cardinal.  Yes, they say things like ‘disgraced’ cardinal… but he is STILL in office.  That means that motherfucking rapist asshole is STILL in the running to be pope.  Remember, it wasn’t just that priests were raping.  It was that the church knew for decades and looked the other way.  I don’t get why.  I mean, it’s obvious no one wants that kind of publicity, but why not discreetly get rid of these guys?  As an atheist, and aspiring Buddhist, I don’t believe in heaven or hell.  I do believe that these motherfucking monsters will rot in hell.

I would also be remiss if I didn’t point out that ‘Cardinal Law’ would be a great name for a sitcom.  Two Vatican cops working the beat.  One is old school, by the rules, and other is a reckless roustabout.

In closing on this rant, I really like and respect this new pope.  If this guy was around when I was a kid, I might still be Catholic.  He is a good man, and he walks the walk that he talks.

  • wow.  I had no idea that was rant was coming.  It was like the post where Fife Symington’s name come up and I went on a 5 page bender.  Wonder why I will never, ever, ever be a Republican?  Study Fife. Fuck that guy, too.
  • *** let’s just take this offline.  I want to say I am not anti-church or necessarily religion.  I think the community aspect of it is wonderful… at the local micro scale.

 What is your best “Adulting like a player” move?

I have no idea what that question means.  May I refer to an old post I wrote about ‘adult content’ warnings.  That means, as you know, boobies.  Sadly, boobies aren’t real adult content.  That is just nature we have been repressed into being ashamed of. Real adult content is chores and going to work every day and mowing.

What is something under $50.00 that makes your life better?

 A song.  I am amazed that I can be driving to work and think of a song.  I can then own it and be listening to it 30 seconds later for $1.29.  I know this sounds a little ‘get off my lawn’, but getting music used to mean biking 4 miles to Tower Record to buy a new cassette for $10 (which was exorbitant 35 years ago).  Think of it, the price hasn’t changed for a CD or full album online – it’s $10.  Also, worse part… cassette audio SUCKED.  You notice there has never been a hipster movement bringing back cassettes.  For some reason, the technology always cut off the top end.  There was simply no treble for 25 years.  I suppose it was compression that isn’t different from what CDs do.

What was okay 40 years ago but not okay now?


What is your most unusual life hack?

I have been advised by my legal counsel that answering ‘arson’ again here would be ill advised.  This is prolly more peculiar then unusual, but I am pretty obsessed with keeping my phone clean.  Not the physical thing itself, but the computer. I use two different free cleaning apps, make sure to restart my phone at least twice a day, and pull my battery out about once a month.

In fact, stop what you are doing now and pull your battery off your phone, if you can.  Yes, I know you don’t want to take the case off, but do it.  See, as long as your battery is in, your phone is on.  Always.  It doesn’t turn off, it just ‘sleeps’.  That means TONS of apps are running 24/7.  Also, to save space on your phone, dump the Facebook app.  That thing takes many megs of storage.  Like, 30 CDs worth.  And… it is always spying on you.  Literally, they just found out it ‘listens’ to everything you do on the phone… every text you make.  A lady found she was talking to a friend on the phone.  When she got off the phone and went to Facebook, she got ads based on her conversation.

I know this sounds like tinfoil hat discussions, but it’s true.

Facebook says that its app does listen to what’s happening around it, but only as a way of seeing what people are listening to or watching and suggesting that they post about it. 

The feature has been available for a couple of years, but recent warnings from Kelli Burns, mass communication professor at the University of South Florida, have drawn attention to it.

Professor Burns has said that the tool appears to be using the audio it gathers not simply to help out users, but might be doing so to listen in to discussions and serve them with relevant advertising. She says that to test the feature, she discussed certain topics around the phone and then found that the site appeared to show relevant ads.

 I am not saying don’t use Facebook.  I use it every day, but not that stupid app (that is also snooping on your pics and texts and web history).  I just bookmarked

Lastly, I know of what I speak.  I worked in the cell phone business for 20 years.


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