Friday Fives – how Lost ruined my love of everything

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If there could be a sequel to any movie which doesn’t have one, what would you choose?

Big Fish – maybe the greatest movie ever made.  Imagine this:  imagine if once, just once, Tim Burton took his crazy vision and made a happy and bright movie?  Well, he did it… just once.  Don’t worry, it has a tiny bit of Tim Burton trademark darkness… and of course stars his ex wife… but for a brief shining moment we saw a joyful and Tim Burton… and it is amazing!

We need the sequel for, if nothing else, Steve Buscemi’s poet laureate character to finish his poem.

Which TV Show or Movie’s title totally contradicts with its plot?

The Sopranos.  They can’t sing for shit.  Of course, ain’t like anyone is going to say that to their face.

 What’s the laziest and most over-used sitcom trope?

The hot wife who holds it all together for the family, and the dopey husband who barely manages to not kill himself every waking moment.  the wife is always an 8.5 of hotness, and they guy is a 4.

Every movie is re-named to be as obvious as “Snakes on a Plane”. What are the best alterations?

i don’t know.  this question is weird.  like your face.

 From start to finish, what’s the best binge-able TV series?

Breaking Bad.  Best arc, best storytelling.  Everything gets resolved, too.  Not in a good way, or maybe even in a satisfying way… but everything is addressed and ties together.

To make Walt a protagonist through all this is no easy feat.  With Tony Soprano, he is easy to root for.  He’s in the mafia, and everyone knows what they signed up for.   and if he wasn’t pulling the springs, someone else would be.  Same outcome.  With Walt, though, you see his evolution.  It is done so masterfully, through both Vince Gilligan’s genius vision, and Brian Cranston’s untouchable acting.

I am thinking of Lost here.  Did you watch that?  8 years of my life in the shitter.  NOTHING WAS EXPLAINED.  Nothing.  All we get are the protagonist, and the antagonist (smoke monster) were/are brothers.  It’s all very Cain and Abel.  At the end, everyone is dead, I guess.  Spoiler alert.  After 7 or 8 or 9 years of INCREDIBLE storytelling… here is what we get.  The last scene is Jack walks into a church.  He was dead.  They were all dead.  I guess they all were.  Always.   For many people, myself included, Lost ruined ALL television.  Seriously, I am afraid to love again after burning that much time and energy.

Breaking Bad doesn’t do that.  They were also, I am sure, WELL aware of Lost’s failure to connect with a single viewer or storyline.  With Breaking Bad, we had just come off to VERY big finales.  The Sopranos, and Lost.  I think the Soprano’s ending was brilliant… but most did not.

People didn’t like the ambiguity, but I think it was perfect.  I wrote about that here.

entering into lengthy and angry Lost rant

Ok, one cool thing that Lost did.  JJ Abrams invented the ‘flash forward’, and the ‘sideways flash’ to layer the complexities of the story.  Not  that any of that ever  pays off.  EVER.  Even worse?  As the ending of the show approached, fans worried they could not possibly pay off about 30 to 45 of the key questions that had come up.  They assured us all will be answered.  Lost had this brilliant way of each time they answered a question to your satisfaction, it would ask 3 new ones.

Don’t worry, Abrams and Lindeloff told us.  They have had this whole thing sketched out for years.. and it will all make sense.    IT DIDN’T.   nothing was resolved.  I guess we learned Hurley was the real prophet (as I had long suspected).  What about why women couldn’t have babies on the island?  What about the others?   What about  Jack seeing his father everywhere?  What was the smoke monster after?  Why were their polar bears?  What did Penny and Desmond and her rich and evil dad have to do with all of this?  What were the lottery numbers about?  Why could they move through time and space?  What was Mr Ecco about?  What about his dead brother in the plane?  Why was there a ship filled with dynamite?  Who cares, you will NEVER EVER EVER KNOW, did that homemade jumbo jet ever make it off the island?  What are Jack’s tattoos’ about?  Was John Locke handicapped from the big fall?  Did the island heal him?

 

 All you need to know is in the very end all the main characters are together in a church.  They are all waiting for Jack, and it is Kate who let’s us know that.  It would appear this is some kind of  funerary service.  Were they all dead?  Were they always dead?  Was this just a dream?  We will never know.  The only thing we’ll know is my heartbreak and confusion when the show ended.  It was like how the last presidential campaign ended.  I kept thinking ‘well, I know Hillary was a terrible candidate, but they aren’t really going to let him be president, are they?’

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