On Jeopardy, they call this category “Pot Pourri:”
- What mistake have you made that the rest of us can learn from?
Getting caught. Wait… what were we talking about again? Scratch that answer. Who is this? Prank Caller, Prank Caller!!!
- What was your high school’s biggest scandal?
Well this is a funny story probably not know to more than about 50 people. It’s a great, story, though. I will change the names to protect the guilty. In high scool, I was in Tech Theater. We build the theater sets for the play kids. It was easy, and fun. Our teacher was this wonderful guy who was super fruity. Let’s call him ‘Phil’, since that was his name. Phil accidentally busted his VCR. Because he wasn’t handy, he asked us tech theater kids to fix it. Sure, one offered. Phil said ‘don’t worry about the video tape in there.’
So, my buddy fixed it. Of course he looked at the tape. Let’s just say what he found rhymed with ‘gay porn’. I know what you are thinking… why didn’t he just throw the VCR out? In 1988, a VCR was a BIG deal. Not just something you pick up at Best Buy for $50. Anyhow… story gets back to the school and dude disappears. THAT is not the scandal. Not to me, anyway.
A couple weeks later, his replacement showed up. A very cool guy, very Richard Dreyfuss-y guy. I liked him because he wasn’t so… supergay… like Phil was. Listen, I have no beef with gay. In fact, it’s about the only I liked about Phil. Being gay made him a societal outcast. Being a longhaired liberal freak… that is a mark of excellence to me. But… he was SO distractingly gay it was just…creepy.
Fast forward to the day he shows up, the new theater teacher. Genuinely don’t remember his name, so we’ll call him Richard… for the reason mentioned above… and below. He is introducing himself to us. We are all sitting in a close circle in band chairs… like a therapy thing. Like… ‘we are all equals here, let’s just chat’. As he is chatting, he is fumbling with his pencil eraser in his mouth. Funny thing, his pencil eraser is a small rubber dick. something someone gave to him as a funny prank. We explained to him the nature of his predecessor’s hasty departure. He appreciated that, and ditched the eraser.
- What’s the worst part about being your gender that the opposite sex might not even think about?
I shall not betray my tribe
- What movies NEED to be watched twice to understand fully?
I think Spinal Tap gets better each time. The first time, you follow the story and are amused by the music. After a few, you appreciate the ENTIRE movie is made up. Improvised. It wasn’t directionless, mind you. Like Larry David and ‘Curb’, there is a rough outline, but not a single sentence for a character is written. THEN… you find out they wrote those songs themselves. THEN you find out they are actually performing those songs themselves. It is then you know this ‘fake band’ is more legit then just about everyone else on the charts.
- What is absolutely never coming back in style again?
That neon shit from the early 80s
. Was it Miami Vice? Was it Wham? Was it Frankie Goes to Hollywood? I think it was George Michael, whom I forgive.