Friday Fives – banned blog edition

Image result for alice in wonderland mandala

*** note – update at the end regarding content and me being redundant and some masturbation discussions.   Scoot down, it’s worth it!

It’s the end of banned book week.  What banned book have you read?

Most of them?  I wish i could say all of them.  The books they fed us in school were SHIT, any made me hate reading.  Don’t give a 16 year old kid that boring ass shit those ‘newberi award winners’.  It wasn’t until Kermit turned me on to read literature. Crazy ass drug taking sex crazed adventures like Henry Miller, Hunter S Thompson, Charles Bukowski.  I like ‘banned books’ so much that i have always wanted to teach a class in this stuff. Maybe prison? Listen to me, i am seriious. I want to teach the prisoners to tell their story.  I want to say “what is the difference betwen what you did and what’s in those books?” Well, they were white, but that isn’t my point. The difference in why the are heroes and you are in jail is they wrote it all down.

These were terrible people, these guys… but GREAT writers.  I actually bought, and still own, a URL for a movement like this.  It is called Renegade Literature.  There is also a short story on there i was working on.  I have never shared it, or showed it, to anyone.

What famous book do you think is overrated?

The Scarlet Letter.   BORING. You could have told that story in three paragraphs.

What is your ultimate must-read book?

My favorite book in the world is ‘Alice in Wonderland’  More specifically, it is called Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

What would a famous book be called if their titles were just summaries of their plots?

The whale is a metaphor – ‘Moby Dick’.

What should I read next?

Animal Farm.  it is brilliant and funny and thoughtful.  Best part? You can knock it out in an evening. Now, the pinheads will tell you its really an allegory of the Russian Revolution.  Don’t worry about all the thinky stuff. The book is MORE than enjoyable on its own. Same with Candide, by Voltaire.

*** my childhood pal Jamie reads all of these, and gives me feedback.  He pops up in some of my favorite stories, too.  Jamie gives me shit if I don’t post on time.   As always, these went up a little late, so I text him when they are ready.  What follows is our text conversation follow up verbatim, and my subsequent thoughts.

6:36 pm – me – “fives are up, just a little late”

Jamie “hhmmm, nothing I just read surprised me.  How do we get the spark back in our blogationship?”

me – I need better questions, from new sources

Jamie – “ok, here you go.  1.  How many times have you masturbated to Caitlyn Jenner?  2.  really?  3.  be honest  4. what about Bruce Jenner?  5.  Be honest

me – “well, if I used to masturbate to Bruce Jenner, but now I masturbate to Kaitlyn Jenner, does that make me ungay now?”

jamie – “you have always been gay!”


So… there you have it.  This is how guys joke around, and yes… we still constantly say or imply each other is gay.  I don’t get why that is.  I love gay people.  the best wedding ceremony I ever performed was for a gay couple.  When us guys makes those jokes, I swear it isn’t meant to be anti-gay.  Maybe it’s just a sill defense mechanism we have to make ourselves feel more confident.   Using the ‘Dave Eggers scale” of ‘perfectly straight to perfectly gay’, I figure I am about a 3.   Dave Eggers didn’t just put that into a book.  Somehow, he got it printed on the masthead with the copyright info.  This is brilliant and odd and courageous.  It’s in his breakthrough novel ‘a heartbreaking work of staggering genius”.  See for yourself below

second thought – he is correct.  My content on fives likely is stale.  It is because I have used the same ‘editor’ for almost every single set of questions for 15 years now.  My wonderful pal Roy got me into blogging.  Point being, send me questions readers, and I will answer them.


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