Friday Fives – things I can’t do edition

Image result for qtip mandala

What normal thing can’t you do?

Ok, so we are just going to get right into this, huh?  No handshake or small talk?  Ok, iron a dress shirt!  I wear one every day, and I pay to have them dry cleaned.  Whenever I iron a dress shirt, it just puts creases in different places.  I can only iron maybe a handkerchief.  Small and round and square – just like you!

I am not proud of the fact I dry clean my shirts, but it is a ‘time is money’ sort of thing.  Just like changing the oil on my truck.  I can do it.  BUT… the time it would take me to do it would be hours. I  have to take off all the skid plates and such.  Whereas a garage has a lift and an impact wrench and he can do it in 15 minutes.  That is worth $50 to me.  It is something I truly believe as I get older (47)… time is money.  In every sense.  and in every sense I have more money than time.  As the late Mitch Hedburg joked “I am set for LIFE.  If someone shoots me tomorrow.”

What do you personally hate the smell of?

Fritos corn chips.  Am lucky the wife doesn’t like them.  Don’t even want them in my house.  I wish I had a great or funny story about fritos broke up my parents marriage or something.  I don’t.

People who make their bed in the morning every day, what are the rest of us missing out on?

Don’t know, as I am not one of those who make the bed every day.  You knew that, though, didn’t you?  What are you doing in my bedroom?  And since you are clearly there spying, you might as well make the bed for me.

What is the most pointless thing that actually exists?

A month ago I would have told you the treadmill.  You need a $5K machine to fucking walk?  You sicken me!  BUT… I have been using the one at the office and it is glorious.  Though it is April, it is still winter in Colorado.  We just had another blizzard 2 days ago.  Our second blizzard (not snow storm, mind you… but blizzard) in a month.  I walk the treadmill and read and I am smitten.

What is your best use of an item or object that clearly was not made for such use?

Qtips for the ears.  I know the ONE thing they tell you about Qtips is to not stick them in my ears.  I do it every day, you crackers!  I tell you that to tell you this – what else are they for?  I truly have no idea.  They seem to be marketed to women.  So, is it a makeup removal thingy?  Please do tell in the comments.  Do be sure to write it down, I can’t hear a damn thing these days.


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