I want to be the second guy in that room

Proctor Silex  White  2 Slice  Toaster  7.75 in. H x 6.5 in. W x 11.38 in. D

I keep thinking about this fun idea.  I want to go back in time to show a cell phone to the great minds of any time.  Let’s say the founding fathers of the USA back in Philadelphia. I want to step into the room of the… um…   6 to 8 alpha dogs. I wanted to show them a cell phone. Power it up, and hand it to them. Explain this little box accesses all recordings made.  What are recordings? We’ll explain that in a minute. It will let you talk to anyone else alive on Earth. From this device, you can access and read just about anything ever written of consequence.

THEN… show them a movie.  Any movie, but prolly best if it were a super hero movie where people were flying and shit… in HD.  Let them also assume that by now, we are all flying.

Explain that just about everyone has one, even the rather poor.   THEN… explain we mostly just use it to play games on the shitter.

THAT would blow their minds, capiche?  

Sure, that would be great.  I think it might be more fun to show them a rather minor invention, but still a great one nonetheless.  You got the whole ‘phone’ thing, right guys? Yeah, we call it a phone. We’ll explain that later. THIS, though… this is a ‘toaster’.  With the aid of electricity, (again, we’ll explain that later) it ‘toasts’ bread.  It takes a piece of bread, and we all love bread, and gently cooks it. Now, your bread is crispy on the outside, and still soft and chewy and warm on the inside.   

Maybe y’all aren’t ready for this.  Please, gentlemen… sit. It ‘toasts’ the bread on both sides.  Both fucking sides, I said.

The flying people and the repository of all music and literature that Kyle showed you?  True, it is pretty great. I am here to take questions about the toaster, though. Perhaps even investors.  Who’s with me, guys?

Ok, Tom, you had a question?  No.  It doesn’t fly, nor talk to people.  YET… you can almost always adjust the ‘toastedness’ of each slice.  Would you like some time to process this?  How about questions!  Any questions?

Michael?  No, I am sorry,  It doesn’t do invisibility, but neither does theirs.  Ours?  Does two slices at a goddamn time!  TWO you motherfuckers!  Ask Kyle if his precious phone does any of that?  The answer, gentlemen, is no.  No it does not.

Please, can we focus on the toaster, guys?


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