What constitutes salad?

Image result for gross salad

It’s a simple question, with no easy answers.  As you may imagine, I have always been creative writer/ranter/provocateur.  In college, or maybe high school (this is all pre-internet) that was the name of my sad little refuselnik newsletter I made in college… thinking I was a subversive genius.  Really, the origin story of this blog goes back to this stupid, but legitimately interesting thesis of just what does constitute a salad.

What makes something a salad?  Had you asked 10 year old me, I would say lettuce.  We know that isn’t the case. Potato salad (gross). A mix of ingredients?  That is too lazy. Cereal and milk is a mix of ingredients. Has to be cold, maybe?  Nope. Take a look at a taco salad. There may be places that serve a taco salad cold, but those people are assholes.

Let’s ask the veterans word smiths I don’t have a copy of the OED, sadly… so we’ll use the online equivalent:  Dictionary.com says:

any of various dishes consisting of foods, as meat, seafood, eggs, pasta, or fruit, prepared singly or combined, usually cut up, mixed with a dressing, and usually served cold

Merriam Webster says:

1any of various usually cold dishes: such as small pieces of food (such as pasta, meat, fruit, or vegetables) usually mixed with a dressing (such as mayonnaise) or set in gelatin
2a green vegetable or herb grown for salad 
3a usually incongruous mixture HODGEPODGE

Well, that seems vague.  What have we learned above?  More messaging from Big Salad and the Big Salad lobby.  ‘Usually cold’, that is a total dodge. My omelette? That is totally salad.  Pizza? Yup, that is not only a salad, it is now officially good for you. Wait… cols pizza cut up into small pieces.  Look, I just crapped in some iceberg lettuce (and chopped it up.  There are rules, duh!)  Don’t act like you haven’t! Anyhow, that was yesterday, so its cold, and …chopped… it’s salad. I did it again today, too. But it won’t really count as salad until tomorrow.  I am not an animal.

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