What constitutes salad?

It’s a simple question, with no easy answers.  As you may imagine, I have always been creative writer/ranter/provocateur.  In college, or maybe high school (this is all pre-internet) that was the name of my sad little refuselnik newsletter I made in college… thinking I was a subversive genius.  Really, the origin story of this blog goes back to this stupid, but legitimately interesting thesis of just what does constitute a salad.

What makes something a salad?  Had you asked 10 year old me, I would say lettuce.  We know that isn’t the case. Potato salad (gross). A mix of ingredients?  That is too lazy. Cereal and milk is a mix of ingredients. Has to be cold, maybe?  Nope. Take a look at a taco salad. There may be places that serve a taco salad cold, but those people are assholes.

Let’s ask the veterans word smiths I don’t have a copy of the OED, sadly… so we’ll use the online equivalent:  Dictionary.com says:

any of various dishes consisting of foods, as meat, seafood, eggs, pasta, or fruit, prepared singly or combined, usually cut up, mixed with a dressing, and usually served cold

Merriam Webster says:

1: any of various usually cold dishes: such as small pieces of food (such as pasta, meat, fruit, or vegetables) usually mixed with a dressing (such as mayonnaise) or set in gelatin

2: a green vegetable or herb grown for salad 

3: a usually incongruous mixture : HODGEPODGE

Well, that seems vague.  What have we learned above?  More messaging from Big Salad and the Big Salad lobby.  ‘Usually cold’, that is a total dodge. My omelette? That is totally salad.  Pizza? Yup, that is not only a salad, it is now officially good for you. Wait… cols pizza cut up into small pieces.  Look, I just crapped in some iceberg lettuce (and chopped it up.  There are rules, duh!)  Don’t act like you haven’t! Anyhow, that was yesterday, so its cold, and …chopped… it’s salad. I did it again today, too. But it won’t really count as salad until tomorrow.  I am not an animal.

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