When someone tells you a ‘man walks into a bar’ joke, you picture the same bar each time- what does your bar look like?
It’s dark. As you walk in the front door, the bar is basically the length of the room, to your right. To the left are the tables… maybe about 10. Once you step in, the jukebox is right behind you. Straight ahead at the end of the room there are bathrooms on the right. On the left is what the call the kitchen, but I am being generous. I also prefer these jokes to have a rabbi, a reverend, and a Buddhist.
You walk to your street and see FBI, CDC, ARNG, CIA, APHIS, DEA, USFWS, NTSB, EPA, PETA, NOAA, FAA, ATF, FDA, MORS and NSA raiding your house. What do you do and what are your thoughts?
Shit… again? Keep driving, slowly. Like, I am a curious neighbor but nothing more. Being a liberal on a dirt road, and the only liberal for 30 miles in every direction… who knows? They might be checking my guns, make sure I have tons of them. I only have 1, so that is suspect.
You’re given $1500, but it must be used toward your hobby. What do you buy, and how does it help you progress?
Easy, as I have been thinking about this a lot recently. Am going to skip over my first hobby, which is guitars. I already have far too many (about 12 different kinds). So we will go to truck. I need about $600 to buy new wheels. Something menacing looking for sure. I need $350 to get steps for the truck. The truck is tall and I am short. BUT… unlike most of you mouthbreathers, I am getting ‘wheel to wheel’ steps. This means they don’t only cover the passenger compartments… but go all the way back so you can use them to get into the truck bed. Lastly, I need about $300 for a lock box. Check this out, not just black diamond plate, but this thing has tie downs on top. Fuck yeah, baby!
What’s your “once a year” thing that you can’t miss?
sex
You are given unlimited money to produce a TV series adaptation of any movie/movie saga/video game/book. Which one would you choose and what would be your production decisions?
Jack Kerouac’s ‘Desolation Angels’. Starring? Um… Giovanni Ribisi and Ryan Reynolds. Directed by I don’t care, but we’ll have Terry Gilliam there doing something for sure. Brendan O’Brien will be handling all musical everything. From scoring to foley work to song choices.
Its not your average Keroauc book, which is why you have never heard of it. It is fantastic, though. Keroac and Neil Cassady spend a summer on top of a mountain as a forest fire lookout. They aren’t together, each post is a solitary one. But, they are a couple mountain peaks apart, and pass their time over walkie talkies. Oh, and ALL female roles will be played by either Kate McKinnon or Margo Martindale. My two favorite character actresses. Of course, this being Hollywood, there will be no key female roles. I am just sayin if there were to be… those would be my gals.
I am Correct 