Well, it finally happened. I began to think long ago it never would. I didn’t want it to happen, honest. But, I did kinda wonder how come I was never propositioned. Sort of like this – I was an Catholic Church alter boy when I was young. I was a VERY adorable child. I am obviously happy I was never molested. I can’t help but feel a little rejected in retrospect, though. This is sorta like that.
When you hear ‘massage parlor’, what comes to mind? Massage Envy? A nice and well deserved 60 minutes of pampering? Or… do you think ‘rub & tug’… or ‘happy ending’? I have been getting massages very often for the last decade or so. My upper spine (C3, C4, & C5) is all fucked up. Massages are a blessing.
Most of my life, though, I was afraid to get a message. Not because I am bothered by a stranger touching me. I don’t even mind if its a dude. Sure, it’s a little weird to have a dude working over my body… but they have way stronger hands. The reason I was afraid to get a message is the same reason every guy is, but they won’t admit it. We are terrified we will fart, or get a boner. In… let’s say… about 40 messages over the years – I have never got an erection. Thank god! I have probably farted once or twice, but nothing I even remember.
If you go to any massage place that isn’t a chain, it will be Asian women. Always. I have never asked for, or been asked for, a
handjob happy ending. Lots of massage places have signs everywhere saying ‘no sex’… in a thousand different ways. It really must be an issue. How come it has never happened to me? Obviously, they don’t offer it. There has got to a lot of legal concerns by the businesses. By process of elimination, I have always assumed you have to ask for a ‘happy ending’. I have never tried it, because I genuinely don’t want one. I am curious, though.
But let’s say I did.
How, exactly, does one request a
handjob full release happy ending? What is the going rate? Can you negotiate? I didn’t do it, and here is why. I have too much love and respect for my wifey. She was the first one I told about this. I can’t say I am disgusted by the idea of a handy from a stranger, though. I am not worried about disease. BUT, the one thing I also super worry about… what if that was a bust? Is that entrapment? If I got busted doing that (or… er… having that done) would I have to register as a sex offender? That would ruin my life, and likely my marriage.
Lastly, she had pretty bony hands. I mean, she was a tiny little Asian thing. I wouldn’t have been a great
handy massage. I mean, if I am going to accept handjobs from virtual strangers… can I order Chris Hemsworth?